Goodbye, 2015.

Another year, gone.

I blame this blog, in all it's entirety, for making this year fly by.

Just kidding..

Sort of..

Not really.

Each week, on Thursday, I would think, "I'm sure I've got more posts left. I'm sure there are few weeks left." And before I knew it, lo and behold, it's the last day of the year.

I've already given my shout-outs, I've already said my thank yous, and I've done my year in review. But this was for everyone else. I choose today to be a personal day. A day I want to think of how far I've come in 2015. A day to go through my to do list of the year and see what I've achieved.

And I hope you all do the same today too.

Take a moment for yourselves. Be proud of everything you did this year. Think of everything you accomplished. Everything new you learned. All the new adventures you had. All the new people you met, the new relationships you created, the old ones you cherished. It was all you. You made it all happen. You made it through 2015. Kudos to you.

I read the very first post I wrote this year, and I am so happy to see my consistency in my goals for the new and upcoming year. I still want to carry the same bucket list forward.

I grew up a lot this year. Not only did I learn a lot about myself, the way my mind and my heart functions, but also how I deal with different situations. I learned about my obsession, my passion, my compassion, my limits, my patience, my impatience... quite extensively. And they have all been such great lessons. I probably learned them in the most optimal ways too.

So, goals for 2016?

It's going to be a Leap Year!

So, logic follows, that we all take leaps of faith in the upcoming year.

Get even crazier with your goals. Step even father out of your comfort zones. Do things you never thought you'd do, or go places you'd never imagined going. If there's one thing I've learned, it is that life is short. And that makes cherishing each moment so important.

I am so thankful that I took on this project at the beginning of this year. I feel like I've accomplished like out of Julie & Julia, which, if y'all remember, was the whole reason I started this blog to begin with! I am happy that I saw this project of writing every week through to the end. It was so much harder than I thought. And if I were being completely honest, I did miss one week. I wasn't able to get a post out on one of the Thursdays this year, but still! I consider this an accomplishment. I learned that it's not easy making such a huge commitment. But thanks to this blog, I also realized how much I missed writing and needed it to maintain my sanity. This blog was the outlet of my frustrations for several weeks.

But I now want to give my writing a direction. I want to give it a purpose. And I want to start working towards to different goal. I probably won't be writing each week, because I'd rather not compromise the quality of my writing. Instead, I'm going to revamp my blog, change it up a bit, and (hopefully) write really well. Whichever journey I choose, I hope y'all will come with me! I hope you go with my into the new year and I hope 2016 is even more exciting, adventurous and memorable than 2015.

For the last time this year, to one and all...

A very Happy New Year!

Hasta la-buh bye!

'Tis The Season!

It's Christmas Eve!

And there's no snow on the ground. :-(

And it's not cold, nor does it feel like winter. :-(

But it's the season to be jolly!

Today was the first day I had off, in goodness knows HOW long. I slept in, I relaxed, I watched TV, I lounged around the house, I cleaned up my room, and did so many things that normal people do on a "day off". After what have seemingly been the 4 most hectic months of my life, I appreciated every single moment today had to offer me. Even doing chores around the house was enjoyable today. After many days, the most stressful thing on my list was whether my blanket linens matched my pillow covers, and not how I could complete impossible work-related tasks.

It felt good.

So as always, I haven't a clue what today's post is about. I'll just write.

We have guests staying over today. And my cousin. He's cool. The guests I'm not sure about. I like having people stay over, makes vacation more fun. We have tons of things planned for my cousin. This kid and I go way back. Since he was born, really. We used to hang out at my grandma's place together all the time, and we used to be up to no good. The shenanigans we got up to were quite epic.

But anyway, this post is another one of my rambles.

I am so excited to spend this "vacation" with my family. I am replaying the year that flew by in my head. I wouldn't change a single moment that I lived this year, there are some things I wish I'd done better or differently. The last 4 months have been insanity. And that's why the next month that I've managed to get off will be dedicated to my family, myself and all the things I didn't have time to do because I was so caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Eugh, I sound like I'm wearing real people pants =/...

Anyhow.

Here's my parting advice:

Enjoy this holiday season with your nears and dears. The time gone by won't come back again, so cherish every moment. Have an adventure every day. Do something that's out of your comfort zone. Make new friends. Call old friends. Hold your parents close. Give a lot of hugs. Smile sincerely. Try to be good. And above all, be kind to everyone... treat others the way you'd want to be treated.

Jeez, I feel like I should be a Hallmark card writer.

With that, I'm over and out. I wish everyone celebrating a very, very Happy, Merry and Jolly Christmas! I hope it is magical and brings you all closer to your loved ones.

Hasta la-buh bye!

Shout-outs.

Today's post was a very cool idea I thought of earlier this week. I did a quick tally after last week, and I realized there are only 3 more posts left for me to write this year, including today's post. And considering I already have 2 ideas that I *should* write about before the end of this year, that makes this post mandatory to be written today.

What is today's post for?

I wanted to do sort of a "year in review" and give shout-outs to all those people who influenced my 2015. Whether it was helping me get out of a tough spot, giving me advice when I needed it, being the listening ear when I needed to vent, being the critical eye when I needed a perception check. All of these individuals impacted me and my thought process this year, and I owe them thanks for helping me to be where I am now.

Of course, there are no actual names..just aliases, but I hope that all of these people read this post, know it's about them and actually enjoy it.



Poochie: My Better Half

She's been there with me from the very start to finish of this year. We celebrated quite a few successes this year, both hers and mine. There were times when I felt dismal about life, and she never left my side once. Through the ups and downs, she's stuck by me. I look forward to celebrating our 10-year anniversary! I give her a shout-out for being my rock and always looking out for me, no matter how far she is from me. Although I miss her every day, she remains the closest to my heart.

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Kryptonite: My Silent Guardian

What I am most grateful for, is for him knowing me better than I know myself. He has been my savior several times this year whether it was about work, school, family matters, personal stressors, or goodness knows what else. His truly big heart, forgiving nature, sharp intuition and incredible kindness are things that I yearn to learn. This year marked a milestone for him, and for that I am so happy. I thank my lucky stars every day that I have such an amazing presence in my life to guide me whenever I am lost.

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Mumble-Wumble: My Adventurous Instigator

Words are not enough to describe my admiration and appreciation for this superstar in my life. I thank him for creating so many memories each time we are together, and to never be out of crazy ideas to act on. It has been a heck of a year for our friendship, and I am couldn't be happier with where we are. I am excited to have more adventures with him, and I thank him for everything he does in the oddest and most unique of his ways.

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Bae: My Partner in Crime

This fiercely loyal friend of mine lights up my day with her adorable laugh, her headstrong spirit and bottomless, unwavering optimism. The bond we share, going on 3 years now, gets stronger as we have more experiences and adventures together. The more we share, the more common ground we find to share. She understand my #browngirlprobz. I give her a shout-out for always being there when I need her most, for helping me figure things out, and for always cheering me up when I'm down.

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Tall Guy: My Exotic Bestie

With him is the quickest I've ever gone from being complete strangers to becoming besties in less than a couple of months. His diplomatic outlook on life, his determined nature and his amazing capability of being a compassionate friend always remind me to hold him close and be thankful for him. I am proud of all his accomplishments, and I am so excited for everything the new year is about to bring him.

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JJ: My Witty Shenaniganizer

He has been my reliable travel buddy, a friend who is always there when I need to vent, someone I find it surprisingly easy to share the most difficult situations with, just because he has such a carefree, laid-back view on life. He helps me realize that everything does not need to be as serious, and something funny can always be found in the most serious situations. I thank him for his dry humour, for nit-picking my brains, for giving me anxiety with his careless approach to important things in life, and for secretly being a caring and true friend.

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Argillaceous: My Steadfast Inspiration

Last, but definitely not least, this guy who was the inspiration behind today's post. He "picked a bone with me" for not staying on top of my posts. He wasn't mad or upset. He simply (very gently) pointed out that I had not been keeping up with my weekly writing. He made me realize that people out there have been reading my blog, and I should deliver what I promised at the beginning of the year. I thank you, Argillaceous, for reminding me why I started this project at the beginning of this year, and for making sure that I see it through till the end of the year.

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These people were hands down the most important reason I survived 2015. But it would be extremely unfair to say others didn't help me too. A few other friends, some co-workers, and most of all my parents all played a huge role in shaping me to be who I am this year. I am thankful for everything I've learned about the world and about myself. I look forward to starting up a new project in 2016!

Until then, I bid you all farewell.

Hasta la-buh bye!

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PS - Mumble-Wumble gets an extra special shout out this week for his birthday! Happy Birthday to this guy who I've come to respect, admire and love so much in the last 2 years. I hope your day, week, month and year (were and) are filled with surprises, adventures and all things spontaneous that you'll love. I can't wait to celebrate you for the years to come, and to get started on that bucket list! =D

Fuel to the Fire

Hello world.

This past week has been kaafi interesting.

A lot of things happened (and are happening) that gave (and are giving) me clarity about a few situations in my life.

If you've read all the posts I've written this year, you must have picked up that I admire self-learning. I hold it at a very high standard and consider it to be critical for personal growth and development. Throughout this week, I did a lot of self-learning. I learned more about myself through the events that happened around me.

I have to insert this comment here: Mad credit needs to be given to Kryptonite for knowing me better than I know myself. He called so many of these realizations since tiiiime and I brushed them off thinking he was way off base. Turns out, I just took a longer, more scenic route to come to the very same conclusion that he came to, many weeks ago.

Kryptonite had called me out multiple times for "being strategic". The use of that word would make me very uncomfortable because of it's negative connotations and implications. Whenever he said that, I would try to find ways to deny it. But it was this week that I realized how very right he was. While I'd still like to refute the word "strategic", I have to admit this: Everything I do, everything I say and everything I am seems to be for a reason.

Whether the reason is apparent in the moment, or will be revealed later is irrelevant to me. In the spirit of complete honesty, sometimes I don't even realize that my actions are moulded by my subconscious train of thought. It is when I'm hit with epiphanies later, I realize that there was a reason for my actions, words and behaviours all along. It's a great feeling to realize that your being had or has a purpose all along.

But I think I digress...

I don't quite know what the purpose of this week's post is, or maybe I do. Fair warning, this is going to be a lot of rambling.

So it was during this journey of self-learning that I discovered something about myself. I came across this almost unhealthy obsession I kept bottled up within myself. What I used to mistake for a lot of passion, or determination, or relentlessness, was in fact, plain old obsession. Granted, it led to all 3 things mentioned above, but only if it was in moderation. With the way things had been going on in my head, there were no boundaries with my feelings, and I really needed to talk some ideas out. I felt like I was losing my head, but maybe this will help...

In the past, I had come to terms with this feeling before. However I could only acknowledge that it existed. I didn't act on it, I didn't further pursue it, or even think about it in detail until this week. This week, I was absolutely, and rivetingly fixated on a few particular thoughts in my head. It impacted my ability to think straight, it impaired my focus, I was grouchy and inattentive, to say the least. This wasn't passion or determination. These were thoughts that I knew were bothering me, and yet I couldn't help but obsess over them. My persistence to hold on to these feelings surprised me; what was I trying to do? What was I trying to prove by causing myself discomfort?

So now, not only was I battling the actual thoughts that I was obsessing over, but I was also struggling to wrap my head around why I was feeling this way. I have honestly just come to the conclusion that that is simply how I am. I have tried to change this trait about myself in the past, but it's like a stupid dog's tail that just won't straighten out no matter how hard you try. Or maybe I haven't yet found the thing that will change that trait in me for good.

Yet another thing about me is that I like to surround myself with inspirational individuals. I keep up with some YouTubers, I follow the little guys who hit it big, and I like getting motivated through the actions of these individuals. I admire them when they set their goals and achieve them. I aspire to do the same in my own life.

So during this period of coming to terms with the fact that I was obsessed with some thoughts, I realized that I had found another untapped source of power within myself. If I could be this fixated on a thought, just imagine how I would be if I picked a goal and focused on it the same way that I did when I was obsessing over something fairly unnecessary!

I realized that merely acknowledging the presence of obsession was not the point I should stop. Even though it felt like a big deal to admit to myself that I was worry-fretting about nonsense, I now know that I can take that a step further. All the unimportant thoughts that were demanding my attention could simply be redirected to a project, or a goal and I would achieve it so much faster. I now know that I can get extremely focused, and this too, works in my favour!

I think I've rambled enough.

So, long story short, I basically found the silver lining (see what I did there? o.-). I found that I have a fire within me that, if fueled right, could be a big help to me in the long run. I am yet to see what I can do with this new found realization about myself, but I'll keep y'all posted!

Until next time...

Hasta la-buh bye!

Unexpected.

Crap.

It's blog day.

I don't have a topic. But I have a story... or more like, an incident.

And it's....unexpected. (go figure)

But I also have an assignment due. Like, now.

So rain check for the post for tonight. I'll be back with the incident. Soon. Promise.

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Hey y'all,

I'm falling behind, I know.

RL has been really tough and it's really gaining on me.. I'm struggling to keep up, but I'm barely at the surface here.

Anyway, short and bitter (unfortunately) is the idea of this post. It's not quite a story, more of an incident. And what was unexpected was my reaction.

After a very long time, I flew off the handle and got upset. And I mean really upset. With someone I care about very deeply. I punched a wall. I snapped at people. There were angry tears. It was so unpleasant. And the worst part was - at the time, I did not have a clue what brought on such a reaction from me. I honestly couldn't fathom what snapped in my brain and triggered this, but I just know that I didn't want to feel that way again.

Of course, when I came to my senses later, I felt like crap about myself for having acted out. I berated myself for behaving so immaturely, which caused me to continue to be sour and unpleasant towards more people I cared about. Just overall, these last few days were straight up, depressing.

But then I had an epiphany of sorts. I realized that I needed to stop worrying about the world and finally give in to my own feelings. My conscience wasn't stupid. I think deep down I had an inkling of why I felt the way I did when I snapped. I had hit my limit. I was tired of being the understanding person. I was upset at having had to stomach disappointment when I had done just that in the past so many times. I didn't want to be rational, I didn't want to be realistic.. I just wanted to be understood.

And it seemed that the lack of that tipped me over my sanity point. There are still a few cobwebs in my mind that need dusting away. Unfortunately, my mind has been spiralling into a dark place since this occurrence and I don't feel certain that I'll get the help I need to get out of this rut, at least not from the person I think I want it from.

But, it's me. I'm always fine eventually. It takes a toll on me, but I always figure it out for myself. At the end of the day, I have to be the one to look out for myself. I was actually really distressed and confused about this whole ordeal for a few days.

Honestly, there is a lot of unresolved and untapped emotion in this post. Maybe one day when I'm truly over it, I'll be able to openly talk about the real deal. But for now, it shall remain a mystery.. unless of course, you're clever enough to figure it out =]

With that, I bid you good night. See y'all next week.

Hasta la-buh bye.

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If...: Chapter 2

What if I could read people's minds?

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Fair warning, I'm sad, I'm upset, I'm pissed, I'm huffy, I'm amused and I'm crying all at once.

Today's idea is totally fueled by my outrage at something that happened.

So...I don't know what people think of me through my writing. I don't know how I'm perceived by those who simply read my thoughts, my opinions and my beliefs. I don't know what mental picture I may have formed in someone's mind about myself.

Now whether I'm saying this to add to the confusion, or because I feel the need to put it out there, I'm not sure. But I want to say this: I'm usually someone who believes that there is always good in people. Life may make them bitter, angry, sour, or whatever other flavor you want to title it. But I think everyone is capable of being good.

And as I'm writing this, I think I'm figuring out why I'm so upset today. I think I had a moment when I realized how utterly foolish and naive that belief is. As much as it breaks my heart, I think I have to come to terms with the fact that not everyone may be intrinsically good.

In the spirit of honesty, the incident that happened was so nominal, that it isn't even worth mentioning. But clearly several emotions were bubbling close to the surface for me if it's causing me to reflect so intensely and affecting me so fundamentally. I think I'm upset today because someone who I thought was good, forced me to come to terms with the possibility that it may not be the case.

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So if I could read people's minds, I'd probably want to opt out of that first thing. Honestly, there are only 2 people in this world who's brains I'd want to get into and know what they were thinking. Apart from that, I may want to know in the moment, but the second I reflect and think of the consequences that may have, I change my mind and decide that I absolutely don't want to know what people are thinking.

I'd rather be oblivious and ignorant to what people think of me, think of my personality or my behaviors. I suppose the only possible time I'd want to know what someone is thinking is if it'll help me to improve on something. or prevent me from doing something inappropriate or disrespectful.

If I were being completely truthful, that has always been a daunting phobia that I've had since I was younger. Part of me wished I knew exactly people were thinking, but another part was terrified of finding some really scary things in people's brains. Now, if I could combine being invisible, ensure that I wasn't the topic of discussion and then know what was going through people's minds as an observer, I think that would make a pretty great show. But any other time, count me out!

So basically, an odd little venting post today. I was so upset, I even swore *hangs head in shame* but here's hoping I'm back to being fit as a fiddle tomorrow.

Thank you for being such great listeners. Y'all rock. <3

Until next week...

Hasta la-buh bye!

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PS - A very Happy Birthday to my bestie, Tall Guy. Thank you for being you, and for all you do. I thank my lucky stars that prompted me to shove my phone in your face and ask for your Facebook info 2 years ago. Haven't regretted it once :D here's to celebrating a million more with you :) xoxo

Becoming.

Hello world,

I hope this post finds you well! *cue inside joke*

Any moo. Today's topic just kind of "formed" in my head on the way home tonight. To ensure that I give credit where it is due, I must admit: tonight's post is Mumble-Wumble inspired. But let me share my thought process with y'all...

So we were driving home and listening to all sorts of music, and I really mean all sorts. We were reliving memories of the past, trying to figure out funny words, singing along and trying to free style, it was great. However, it was as he played more songs and hit me with more blasts from the past, that I realized something that applied to everyone.

With Mumble-Wumble in particular, he grew up among so many (culturally) different of people. Ergo, he was exposed to a large variety of music and probably developed such a wide taste n it. Keeping consistent with this idea, I started thinking of how my other friends must have also developed their respective tastes in music growing up. It was pretty fascinating.

That's when this idea began to formulate in my head about how so many little things we do in our early days define and shape who we are now.

As usual, I'm very tired atm to finish this post, I will finish it when I wake in the morning!


Update: Much later... *hangs head in shame*

I think I may have to admit defeat here. I have let this post sit stale for quite some time now, so I think I may have lost the zeal with which I started it, but I'll make an attempt anyway.

So.

The idea was to marvel and how many things we are surrounded with, that shape us to be who we are. Every day, the music we listen to, the movies we watch, the people we interact with, all provide us with thoughts and ideas that our subconscious mind definitely retains, with or without our knowledge.

This amazes me and worries me at the same time. While some things could have a "good" impact on us, other thoughts may harm our thinking more than we may realize. But it is this process of becoming who we are that is fascinating to think of. It doesn't happen over night. It doesn't only happen over the years. It is actually a process that never stops. We change, we evolve and we create and develop ourselves each day we live.

This idea was just a food-for-thought one, I wasn't really going anywhere with it. However, I should probably revisit this at a later time when my brain thinks of more stuff relating to it.

Until then..

Hasta la-buh bye!

The Weekly Process

Hi all,

So today, I think I would like to share some funny behind the scenes information with you guys.

Update @ 3:14 pm (the next day)

I feel like I cheated with last night's post because I literally just put a little something out there, and it counted as not missing a day. I need to start getting better with being on time to write out these posts. Also, considering how ridiculously busy I've been these last few months, I have to give myself mad props for being able to keep up with my writing each week.

Anywho!

A few months ago, I wrote a post called The Struggle is Real!.. or something..

I ran into a friend of mine who I hadn't spoken to in ages a few days ago; turns out, she reads my blog every week! Not only does she read it, but she looks forward to my posts each week! While we were chatting, she asked me a very interesting question. She said, "How do you come up with a topic to write about every week?"

I actually stumbled over my words, because I realized I didn't quite have an answer for her. It's usually a very comical process I go through each week, trying to come up with something to write about. In the back of my mind, I'm always counting down days to Thursday, rather than Friday because my most important task of the week remains to be done on Thursdays.

The closer it gets to Thursday, the more my brain panics and runs in circles. I become over observant, over annoying and over passionate about things hoping to come across an inspiring topic to write about. I ask my friends about strange experiences they might have had. I try to read up on articles, oddities and anything that could be remotely unique, interesting and fun to read at the same time.

Many a times, I just end up sharing my personal thoughts and stories through this blog. However, I must admit: whenever I look at the "audience" this blog reaches every week, my heart fills with joy. There are people out there who are actually reading the madness I write! Provided they are not bots, it absolutely delights me thinking that someone out there might look forward to Thursday as much as I do, in hopes that I can write about something entertaining that would make them laugh.

But in the spirit of honestly, I shouldn't sell myself too short. Truth be told, there is a bit of a process associated with writing a post every week. I am all over the place trying to look for ideas, but my favourite part when I do find one, is to cater my post to tons of audiences. As a writer, I try to view my posts through a few different pairs of eyes in hopes that it will appeal a large audience.

Amongst a million things that this blog has taught me this year, I think this is one of the biggest lessons I've learned. One can always find inspiration, provided they're actually looking for it. I realized that my perspective needs to be broadened and my horizons need to be widened if I am to truly find and appreciate the wonders of the world around me.

Just to describe the accuracy of my week though, check it out...

That's my little spiel for this post. Maybe I'll come back and write some more later.

Until next week, hope everyone has a lovely weekend!

Hasta la-buh bye!

An Ode To: The 'Insignificant' Strangers

Greetings, world!

I hate to admit it, but things have been different since I turned 25 =/...

I think an invisible officer from the corporation called "This is How the World Works" suddenly put this invisible hat on my head that says "Adult", and everybody (except my parents) started treating me like one. I'm really not sure how I feel about this...

So it seems that with added responsibility, comes more contemplation. Today's post is an idea that came to my mind since I started my new job and learning about the people I worked with. In the last couple of months in my new role, I've learned a lot, questioned a lot, and observed a lot. Even though tonight's post is going to be fairly short and different from others I've written, the idea stayed with me because of it's potential magnitude.

What do I mean by The Insignificant Strangers?

Allow me to share my own personal definition and story with you.

I think insignificant strangers are people we encounter that may not necessarily be a big part of our everyday lives. Co-workers, colleagues, bosses, fellow students, friends of friends, regular passersby on streets, and so on. We may not speak with these individuals every day. We don't consider them "close", and we don't share our personal stories with them. However, their we are in their vicinity enough that their actions impact us, whether we realize it or not.

I said that today's post will be different. That was because I am trying to write it from a perspective that isn't my own. I am actually trying to understand this as I go.

A co-worker of mine put this idea in my head. In my new role, I have replaced an individual that worked in that position for several years. Let's call them Bob. Of course, as workplace rumours go, there were tons flying around about why Bob left, the kind of person Bob was, whether Bobwould come back, and so on. And what I found surprising, was that the people who already were working there were quite wary of.. me!

In the time that I worked there and gathered more hearsay about Bob, I found myself thinking that the wariness about Bob was rightfully so. It seemed that people had not been able to have a relationship with Bob in the past. There were clashes in personalities, work ethics, habits, and many other personal and professional aspects. Especially wary were those who worked in close proximity of Bob. When I started, these colleagues within close quarters treated me in a certain way, based on Bob's behaviour, and I had to really differentiate myself to show them that I wasn't Bob.

Soon enough, my co-workers learned that and began to treat me as my own person. They stopped calling me "the new Bob". But it was being treated like Bob that gave me this idea. Unbeknownst to my co-workers and probably even Bob, they had affected each other fairly extensively. Their behaviours, their prejudices, their biases and their instincts were all based on the way they treated each other in the past. But how well did my co-workers and Bob really know each other? My guess would be - not at all! To each other, they were complete strangers who really weren't key characters in one another's lives. Then how did they affect each other so deeply?

I thought it was quite an interesting thought - how many other such "insignificant strangers" do we come across in every day life, who affect us unknowingly and significantly? Do we carry these lessons with us forever? Or do others come along and break these perceptions and prejudices we may have based on one experience we have? I hope that in the time that I'm working here, I break a few negative perceptions and show that not everyone has to be like Bob. I wouldn't want to be judged or compared with someone I didn't know.

But anyway. Grudgingly as it may be, I have to acknowledge these insignificant strangers for the impact they have on our lives. We simply have to be vigilant enough to weed out the prejudice from the actual behaviour. We have to be prepared for completely different personalities as well as absolute replicas. Simply put, we must be able to treat every individual as a separate entity.

That's my thought for the day. See y'all next week!

Hasta la-buh bye!

Limit.

I've just had a little over half a bottle of wine.

Some real confessions are about to happen.

So I was thinking...

We all have a limit. Whether it is a limit of patience, the limit of fun, limit of sacrifice, or even a limit of love - everyone has one. They're usually sitting at that point where individuals just can't any more. They just can't. Even the quietest, calmest, and the most patient person reaches their limit.

I like to think of myself as an extremely patient person; I also think I've got a higher level of understanding than others, and if I may say so myself, an almost unparalleled capacity to compromise and sacrifice.

Over the last few years, I learned the true value and importance my friends held in my life. As soon as I realized it, I marveled at my own power of selflessness, the effect of giving without expectations, and the gratitude that came with my understanding. More than once, it felt like these traits were being taken for granted and I truly struggled with being the person I wanted to be.

I often asked myself why I possessed (or felt the need to possess) these traits. Was I trying to fit in? Was I aiming for acceptance? Did I need social approval for my personality? I'd be lying if I said that these factors didn't play a role in the development of my personality. To a certain extent, they did. However, at the same time, not being the person who did things for others, who effortlessly put her needs after everyone else's, who was always there when a friend needed her was just not something I was able to do.

A part of me always knew that no one really needed me to be this way. Another part of me knew that my friends appreciated me being this way. And yet, as much as I hate to admit it, a small part of me just longed for some recognition.

I didn't want pats on the back every day. I didn't want ballads and sagas to be written about it. I didn't expect my face to be on a billboard. But a small comment of acknowledgement, an extra smile, a warm hug, or even a comment of gratitude on occasion would feel like magic to me. I understand that I'm mooting the point of selflessness here, but I'm blatantly going to blame it on the chardonnay that seems to be craving attention at the moment.

So.

What was my reason to write this post?

I'm not sure.

I think today, just for a few moments, I reached my limit.

Something felt wrong.

I felt forgotten. I felt insignificant. I felt unimportant. I felt disappointed. I was sad.

I don't quite know what brought on such a strong, negative feeling in my heart. I don't know what triggered such an upsetting reaction that I felt the need to blog about it. All I know is, in that moment, I felt an unfathomable hopelessness engulf me. I felt like I'd been feeding everything good I could offer in my life into this abyss of darkness that never returned anything back. In that moment, I felt like all the things I did so lovingly for others held no meaning whatsoever; it felt like they were all for naught. In that moment, I felt truly uncertain about my own life, my personality, all these traits that I had honed over the years, and qualities about myself that I prided. In that moment, I experienced a true paradigm shift.

I realized later that in honing all of those personality traits, I had developed something else about myself that I largely lacked before: relentlessness. I had perfected an untiring determination to do things my own way, or get what I wanted, or have things go my own way. I realized that the positive energy that surrounded me usually couldn't be touched. It had been beaten and dented many a times, and it had also taken more than one nasty hit (like today).

But ultimately, nobody could tell me what to do, nobody could tell me how to feel. I realize that this sounds more like stubbornness rather than determination, but I also realized that allowing someone else to dictate my actions and feelings was something I found extremely disconcerting! It was not in my being to take orders from people. I have mentioned my internal locus of control before; I'd just feel... strange if I allowed others to make decisions for me.

And then I remembered a quote by one of my favorite personalities in history. Eleanor Roosevelt had said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". I realized that my intent, which was to spread happiness around me, was sincere, pure and unwavering. I almost had a delirious epiphany when I realized that I didn't have to define my limit.

And for this reason, I am sometimes my own hero.

Truth be told, I do think I hit my limit. I did think that I couldn't take something beyond a certain point. I did wish for a few moments in which my actions would be recognized and reciprocated. However, the second I realized the selfishness behind these desires, they somehow just melted away from my mind. I am now able to view everything around me with a fresh perspective. I am able to admire myself for being able to go even further down the path of goodness.

So basically, the moral of my own pep talk here is that yes, I have limits. I also think that it falls within basic human nature to have these limits. However, if I am capable of thinking and feeling like the most natural human being, I must also have capability that I may be oblivious to: If I can have limits, I can also be limitless.

I call it a night here.

Think about it.

Until next week.

Hasta la-buh bye!

The Silver Lining

Today was a big day. Tonight is a big night. Tomorrow is a bigger day.

Tonight is the eve of my 25th birthday! I will be celebrating my silver jubilee of life, hence the title :)

I have come such a long way in my short 25 years of life, and I have so much to be thankful for. My heart is proud for each day I've lived and my brain is delirious with happiness for all I've learned.

I am going to dedicate the upcoming weekend to really sit down and write, like I haven't written in a while. Mayhaps I'll come back and edit this post, but I haven't planned out what to write this week.

Tonight, I am going to give myself the evening off. I am in my happy place surrounded by people who love me more than life; people who go out of their way to make every moment special for me. I want to surround myself with that warm, fuzzy feeling tonight, and welcome another year of excitement with these amazing people.

Tomorrow, I want to promise myself to take on more adventures, to put myself out of my comfort zone, to always tell the truth, to do good things, to be a good person, to become someone that I will be proud of, and to make the most of each day I get to wake up to.

Tomorrow, I want to make a crazy bucket list and cross things off it every year. I want to meet new people who inspire me to be smarter. I want to set goals that seem impossible to reach, but feel amazing to have been attained. I want to set my sights higher than the summit and farther than the horizon. I want to dream big and make an amazing change in the world. I want to be known as an passionate, driven, motivating and inspirational individual.

My birthday is honestly my favorite day of the year where I get to celebrate all the goodness, that is me.. forgive me while I toot my own horn (*ta-da!*). On this day, I love to spread unconditional love and happiness to my friends, family and even some acquaintances. It is the one day I get shamelessly possessive of my friends, I enjoy being the blatant center of attention, and I admit that I love to let everyone pamper me.

Tomorrow will be an exciting day because I will spend it with the people who make me feel like I am walking on air. These people make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world because they have my back whenever I need. Tomorrow will be a day to be additionally thankful for being alive and for getting to see another beautiful sunrise.

Tomorrow will be a good day.

Tomorrow will be my birthday =D

I want all these extraordinary things from life and have all these extravagant plans. However, most importantly, I never want to forget humility, honesty and gratitude for everything I already have in my life. Above all, I want to promise myself to always see the Silver Lining, no matter how dark the clouds seem to be.

For anyone who has kept up with my blog or who has even read a single thing on it - you are the greatest human person ever to walk this planet and don't you let anyone tell you otherwise!

Until next week, m'dears.

Hasta la-buh bye!

Guilty Pleasures

Let's face it, we all have guilty pleasures.

That's right. No intro. I'm just going to dive right in.

I just spent the last 2 hours at a casino spending some hard earned money! (I know I'm saying it like I blew a few bills.. but I only spent $30.. irrelevant!). The fact of the matter remains that I gambled, and I actually enjoyed it.

So this got me thinking. There must be many other things in the world we all secretly enjoy doing, but we never admit to it.

Why? Mayhaps because we're afraid we'll be judged. Know what I say? Who cares!

If there are things you enjoy doing, you should just do them without giving a hoot what the world thinks. Not that I'm endorsing addictions here, but let me take the first step and share some of my own guilty pleasures with y'all.

Gambling

Not going to lie, it is freakishly easy to get carried away at a casino. I always stay within my limits, but boy does that slot machine music keep playing in my head for a few hours after I've left.

Bubble wrap!

I think there is nothing more amazing in the world than being able to pop the bubbles on a sheet of bubble wrap. When I was younger, the Moms used to chase me around the house, hit me with a few choice words and even the occasional shoe for popping bubbles from bubble wrap.

Red Velvet Goodies

Cookies? Yes. Cake? Yes. Macaroons? Yes, yes and yes. Regardless of what diet I ever go on, when it comes to "red velvet stuff", I will shamelessly pick it up and gobble it down. Who ever heard of s sane person passing up an opportunity to have a red velvet cheesecake cupcake?!

Disobedience

I think there is a sort of thrill associated with not listening to someone in a position of authority. Whether it is a supervisor at work, a parent, a friend, a partner or even a stranger, defying an order and secretly doing things your own way gives you a satisfaction that just cannot be paralleled. If you haven't done so, I strongly suggest you try it. Start of small. Wear mismatched socks to work.

Solo Concerts

Whether it's jumping around your room in your bathrobe, finding a moment alone at work to do a little jig, or pretending you're performing for a crowd of a million that's hiding behind your shower curtain, eeeeverybody enjoys those moments when they pretend to be a famous rock star.

Childhood Loves

And last, but not least, I will proudly confess to this: everything I loved doing in my childhood, I enjoy it just as much, if not more, today. Reading Harry Potter still makes me feel like I'm 12. Listening to Westlife still makes me smile, cry and marry that entire boy band at the same time. I still think Tom & Jerry is the greatest cartoon to have ever been made. I still wish I had a hot Uncle Jesse. And I still have a crush on Tino from The Weekenders *blushes*. You can judge.

---------- xx ----------

So there you have it! These are some secret pleasures I'm guilty of.

What are yours? Until next week...

Hasta la-buh bye!

If...: Chapter 1

Hey y'all!

Tonight's post is dedicated to a very special friend of mine who's amusing brain will never let me run out of ideas to write about; Happy Birthday, JJ! In honor of his special day, I'm starting this new series called "If..."

Within this series, I'm going to basically speculate about how a situation, or my perspective or my life would be if a certain thing happened.

As always, I'm too exhausted right now to write this week's whole idea out. But long story short - this morning when Birthday Boy and I were walking, we touched on the topic of what we would do if we got to be invisible for a day. As soon as he said that, my spidey senses tingled in anticipation of a new topic. So here goes this post:

---------- x ---------- x ----------

If I was invisible for a day...

Have you ever had a moment where you've wished you were just invisible? Did you ever wish you could erase yourself from a moment, but know what it could look like anyway? Or wanted to be a fly on the wall and just observe something without having to make your presence known? I know I have, and through this little post, I'd like to share with you the top 3 things I'd do if I were invisible for a day.

(By the by, the picture that I've posted is making me want to do nothing more than curl up in my bed with a Harry Potter book. *pouts*)

But anyway, here goes:

1. Solve a mystery

Nothing intrigues me than a mystery; whether it's a mysterious person, a mysterious event or even a mysterious object. I have thought so long about whether its more fun to puzzle over something that drives me bonkers, or to simply know the answer.

If I were invisible, I think I would pick one thing and just chase it until I got to the very bottom of it. There a few people in my life who are way more mysterious than they should be (yes, Kryptonite & Mumble-Wumble, I'm looking at you). Granted this makes them super hot and very cool, but at times, it becomes rather exhausting to constantly speculate what they are thinking.

Sometimes, I would just like to know what such people are like behind closed doors. I think it would be really interesting to see them away from a certain light, with their guards down, and when they are their most open and true selves. Maybe I'm hoping I'll find an entrance to the secret reserve where they get all their coolness from...

Although I have to admit, I personally find it much more amusing to simply wonder, rather than know, what a person is like when they think they are not being watched. Given the chance, I would definitely choose to keep it a mystery.

2. Make the headlines

Seriously, think about it...

If I were invisible, I'd definitely find a way to be noticed. I'd probably do crazy things that I would never otherwise want people to know I'm doing. I must confess, not all of these would be legal... but if I did do things that were illegal, I'd also be sure to do good deeds to tip the scales back in my favor.

I definitely wouldn't kill anybody, but if I could, I'd probably give all the mean people in my life a good scare and convince them that they are being haunted. I'd turn the lights on and off in their houses, make objects fly, leave them a few notes and maybe even get a few "Boo!"s in.

I also wouldn't mind sneaking in to a concert, getting up on stage and performing with the artists. I'd also have such great opportunities to stop petty crimes on the street, especially pick-pockets and little robbers. I would love to get on a flight to anywhere without a ticket and go wherever my heart desired. Without a doubt, I would hunt down a few celebrities and join them in their homes.

The possibilities sure are endless!

3. Spy

Actually, I'm not sure how appropriate a title "spy" is for this particular activity.

I would like nothing more than to find out what people actually think of me. I would definitely find a way to hear what people I know say about me after I leave the room. If they are good things, I'd be humbled. If they are bad things, I'd take it to heart and find a way to improve my personality. I'd know who my true well-wishers are, who I need to watch out for, and who I can and cannot trust.

In all honesty, I think it would be an amazing experience to be invisible for a day. You could learn so much more about the world by being "behind the scenes" (figuratively). You could see so much more from a fresh pair of eyes and learn what to appreciate more and what to perceive critically. It could be an amazing learning experience and would definitely give you a great story for days to come.

Fin.

I hope y'all enjoyed this little story kinda thing!

Until next week...

Hasta la-buh bye!

Fabulous Fall Festivities!

Salutations!

I swear this isn't going to become a trend with the triple letter threats like last week; the occasion just called for this.

I hope every single person reading this post is in much much better condition than I'm in. I am sick, tired, and terribly unwell. But at the same time, I am so excited that it is the first day of October!

Can we just let that sink in for a second?

My birthday month has begun!

I'm beyond psyched. Fall is coming, it's October, the weather is cooling down, the leaves are starting to change color, what more could I ask for?! I mean, I wouldn't mind being well... you know... health-wise and all, but I have enough on my plate to be very thankful for!

So I'm not really even sure what I'm writing about tonight. My sick brain hasn't allowed me to come up with a topic yet. I'm thinking of writing a short story, bt I'm definitely not making any progress on it tonight. I'm about to down some NeoCitran shortly, so I'll be conked out like a light.

However, so as not to fall back on my posts, I put out a little blurb.

(Ya happy now?!)

---------- x ---------- x ----------

So I just wanted to share what I'm excited about for October, and if you happen to be living in Toronto, you should totally do these little things I'm recommending.

1. Nuit Blanche!

The usual annual art crawl is an amazing place for art enthusiasts to explore, perceive and grow their knowledge about art. For those who don't know what nuit blanche means, it literally translates to "a sleepless night". Toronto, has given it a whole new meaning by hosting an annual tradition of an artist's paradise since 2006. This year, it will be on October 3rd, 2015 - in two days! If you are able to, I highly advise you to check it out!

2. Halloween!

Halloween is one of my favorite days in the year; there is an inexplicable magic about the night; I simply love to venture out on Halloween and take in the fall air, hear the sounds of leaves crunching under my feet, and weave in and out of the shadows on darkened sidewalks. I also love watching the kids dress up in adorable costumes and go with their hopeful faces door to door for some candy. Having done this until I was well into my teens, I give them a lot of credit for collecting goodies. October 31st cannot come soon enough!

3. My birth anniversary!

Haha, I am usually not one to advertise my birthday to people, but who am I kidding - we all love birthdays. I think it is the best day of my year, I feel like I truly want to celebrate myself and all my awesomeness, and I am shamelessly open to compliments, hugs and attention for the one particular day. Slowly over the years, the term birthday has become moot and I've been extending the celebration to last throughout the month. Ergo the excitement of it being October. For this particular day, y'all won't be able to do much, but on the 23rd of this month, everybody should send me a very warm hug and a loving thought from wherever they are in the world.

So, I hope you all can join me at my level of excitement and stick with my babbles throughout the month! I'm fairly certain that there will be more mentions of birthday related stuff in upcoming posts.

But until then...

Hasta la-buh bye!

Dreams, Dilemmas & Denny's

Hi y'all,

*giggles* I'm going to chuckle when Mumble-Wumble comes across this post and realizes that I'm writing about the very evening we just spent together.

Although I had an amazing time with him as always, my head is buzzing with thoughts that I just can't seem to find the words for. So while I haven't a clue where I'm going with this post, maybe I should jump right into it?

Dreams

First of all, writing about 'dream analysis' has been on my list for quite some time, but I've just never found the time in the last few months to sit down and research the topic enough. I've often wondered many different things about dreams: what they mean, why we have them, why we have the dreams that we do, are they premonitions, are they foreboding signs, are they confirmation of psychic abilities... so many questions, none of which I have answers for, yet. You know what I'm promising? Before the end of this year, I'm going to do some research about all these questions, and do a follow up post about my findings. Personal goal set.

But I wanted to at least address: I have been having recurring dreams about the same person, in a similar context, and I haven't a clue what it means. I'm going to assume that it is a mash-up of my jumble of thoughts, what I think I want, what I may be wishing for, and what I think I'd like to see happen. Honestly, I've had enough dreams about this person to write a saga or a book, and it would be chalk full of drama!

And the picture above especially resonated with me. Why you ask? Because I think these dreams are all stemming from some thoughts that I'm keeping firmly shut in a corner of my brain. I'm doing so for various reasons, but it seems as though I can't hide from my own conscience.

Dilemmas

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place with this one; I'm trying to decide whether I want to disclose something about someone to someone. However, I'm unsure about a whole ton of things. Whether it's my place to tell them, whether they'd take it well, whether it would lead to something else, whether I would have to tell them what's on my mind... It feels like a big ball of yarn in my head, where I can't seem to find the end or the beginning of the string, and in trying to untangle it, I'm just making it oodles worse.

Nevertheless, I'm going to attempt to try and sort through these thoughts; possibly on my own, or maybe to the person they should be disclosed to, or maybe to the person who shared them with me... aahhh *runs in circles*

Clearly, I need help.

But again, I love the picture that I found because trains are my new favorite thing in life. The picture very precisely depicts how I am at such a cross-roads with this decision, and I'm truly uncertain about how to proceed and where to go. I'm just sure that eventually, the right path will show itself as the one to take. It seems as though I have no other option but to be patient and let the dust settle on things. This patience will be the end of me one day, I tell you!

Denny's

This is a quick little shout-out to Mumble-Wumble for a super fun evening, that included a spontaneous and delicious meal at Denny's. All day breakfast seems to be our thing. I may or may not say this to you in person Mumble-Wumble, but I absolutely love hanging out with you - it is such a wonderful getaway from all the crazy things that are piling up on me in RL. You give me the mental health break I don't realize I need, to keep my sanity intact.

Honestly, I complain to him all the time that he bothers me, and challenges me, and makes my brain take a lap and a half around the track while I try to figure him out. But I also think it's the absolute best, because I have such a blast whenever I hang out with him. Our discussions range from deeply philosophical and life changing topics to utterly nonsensical and majorly comical arguments. I love that he entertains me and all my oddities, and I'm more than happy to do the same for him (yes, he's also an oddball, but he's my oddball <3). I've told him many-a-times, but I truly cherish our friendship and hold it very, very close to my heart. I hope that many years down the road, we can read this post together, and mayhaps I can tell him why I acted as crazy as I did tonight!

I will end tonight's post with one last comment that likely only Mumble-Wumble will understand... but all 3 sections of my post all have one common factor that will probably tell you exactly why I was in the dilemma I said I was in.

Any-moo! It's off to bed with me, an early morning alarm awaits. Until next week...

Hasta la-buh bye!

Clean Souls, Dirty Mirrors

Need to get this little blurb out before midnight!

I'm working on the post as we speak, I promise to be right back!

*Update @ 11:58 PM

Hi all!

*phew*

Another close call of almost missing my day to post a post. Mumble-wumble, is this a conspiracy to "win"? Taking me out on such memorable adventures on days I need to post? I've got my eye on you, sir...

Any how!

It is such a great time for me around this time of year. In my culture and religion, a very auspicious period is happening right now, and I am in the happiest place I could be. I relate so closely with this religious festival, and around this time is when I feel so spiritual and in touch with my innermost self - it is absolutely wonderful. I never realize how tired it all makes me until it's all over.

But anyway, I digress.

Also, I am falling asleep on my laptop right now, so I will continue this tomorrow.

Update @ 10:15 AM

So on this inner journey back to my true self, or the realization of my spirituality, I came across a very interesting concept.

It started when I truly began to take in the surroundings of my new workplace. On my desk are the usual things a worker needs: a computer, a phone, a keyboard, a notepad and a beautiful lamp for extra light. While moving things around and rearranging them to my liking, I found a little magnetic mirror in one of the drawers, and decided to stick it to the leg of this lamp. With the way the mirror is now placed, it is just below my eye level, and is great for me if I want to do a quick check of my face before heading into a meeting or an appointment.

So, a few days ago, I was having a rather fabulous hair day, and decided to take a quick selfie, and yes, it was at work *hangs head in shame* ... but I was on break!

Besides the point.

So, I take out my phone to take a picture of myself in the mirror, and I found some really cool angles. Now, in case y'all remember, I recently got me a new phone, and welcomed myself back to the Apple family. The iPhone 6 plus takes pictures in a way I didn't think possible, and I'll tell you why I think that.

I'm looking at this mirror, and to my naked eye, it looks like it should look great when I take the picture. But when I actually take the picture, all the scratches, smudges and blemishes on the mirror stand out, so much so that my face is barely visible behind all the dirt. After a few tries, I gave right up, and started thinking about why that was happening, when a really cool thought floated into my head. People may see a clean mirror, but that may not necessarily mean that what they are looking at is pure and clean. People may be looking into a dirty mirror, but the reflection does not always do a good job of describing who stands within it.

So, considering all the encounters I had this week, I thought that this was a really cool and actually a really important life lesson to grasp. In the simplest of terms, people are not always what they seem. I know I've touched on this topic in my post called Visage, but I want to take it a step farther and say, not everyone who may acts kindly and in a caring way will have your best interest at heart. This philosophy also applies the other way; someone who may appear off-putting and shady may actually be your lone well-wisher.

I know it's a small post I'm posting, but like I said, y'all will really have to bear with me for the next few weeks. Just a little idea for y'all to dwell on. But until next week...

Hasta la-buh bye!

Overload.

Hello all!

This last week has probably been one of the most exciting weeks of 2015 for me. As I fleetingly mentioned last week, I started a new job. As you may have gathered from a few of my posts, my family along with myself just relocated to another city. Things are moving so quickly, and so suddenly, that I'm barely having time to keep up.

I went over the next few weeks in my head, and realized: they're just going to keep getting busier. So I'm going to make an honest attempt and keeping up with this blogger-doodle, but I'm afraid my posts may be short, and potentially uneventful.

But that's okay! I'm still keeping up with my habit of writing something every week.

Any how.

What was new this week? Everything!

RL has become topsy-turvy because of all the changes happening around me, and I'm barely holding on for dear life. However, these changes are amazing, because they are putting me way out of my comfort zone.

I started my new job exactly a week ago, which is why, last week, I was very happy. May I say that my honeymoon phase with the job ended fairly quickly. As one of my new co-workers very eloquently put, "I was thrown to the wolves at a pretty bad time of year with no guidance of any kind on how to survive." I love that! It is such a challenge establishing oneself in a new role, and to perform outstandingly where you have no training shows even more tenacity. So not only am I determined to just hang in there, but I'm determined to make my own mark. *cue rah-rah for employer*

A little less than a week ago, I got a brand spankin' new phone! I finally made the switch from Android over to the dark side: I bought me an iPhone. It's beautiful. And while trying to wrap my head around how to use it, I'm also trying to wrap my hands around it because it's gigantic! I do miss my 'droid, but I'm all about facing new things head on this week, so it's another change I'm welcoming.

And finally, we handed over the keys to our old house this week. It basically severed my last link with my old place and it actually had more of an impact on me than I imagined it would. I was very attached to that house, and had created a few hundred thousand memories in it, having lived in it for years. To think of other people now calling it home just made my very uncomfortable and upset. However, once again, I embraced this discomfort, and instead channeled my energy into beautifying my new room. I figured, if I absolutely have to let go of my old place, I better make darn sure that this new room is something I have hard time staying away from!

Ergo, any DIY ideas to cutesy up a room are welcome!

With that, I will put an end to my riveting week's description. I know this isn't much of a post, but it's exactly as my title says: major overload for one person to deal with. Hopefully things will settle after the next couple of months and I'll be able to refocus some of my energy into writing.

Until next week, though...

Hasta la-buh bye!

A Week Off!

Hello World!

So many new things happened today, and it was such a great day. I started a new job! I met so many new people who were so wonderful to me, and I started out on a new adventure.

A few other really cool things happened to some of my friends too, that it just seems like a good time to take a night off and bask in the happy goodness of it all.

I realized (even though I have missed a day), that I haven't actually taken a break from writing a lengthy post or writing about an idea this year.

So in light of all the happy things that have happened, I've decided to give myself the week off. I think I've earned it. Also because I became OPSEU! *insert personal joke here*

Until next week, y'all...

Hasta la-buh bye!

PS - Maybe I'll come back and add a bit more to this later, but for now - good night!

Track Record.

Hi!

So excuse me while I give myself a high five on coming up with such a cool title for today's post! =D

Take a guess what it's about. Go on. Guess.

Trains!

Yes, that is the Hogwarts Express. Don't judge.

So anyway. For as long as I can remember, trains have been my absolute favorite mode of transportation on land (aside from flying of course). I cannot count the number of train journeys I've had in my life, and some little thing has always made each of these journeys memorable to me.

Today, I took an important train journey. It was my first time commuting to my old work from my new place. While I wasn't sure how I'd feel about moving to a new home, a new city, and leaving behind the only neighborhood I've known in Canada, I was actually pretty excited about this particular train ride... in secret.

So a (very good-looking) gentleman sat across from me on the train this morning. I didn't realize he was observing me until I glanced at him and saw that he was looking at me as though he was about to say something. When I looked at him in a politely questioning manner, he said, "Which one is it?"

"Pardon?", I inquired.

He smiled and said, "You looked like you were looking out the window with either a photographer's eye or a writer's mind. Which one is it?"

I was so taken aback and pleasantly flattered by his comment, that all I could manage was to blush and grin like a wee monkey. But nonetheless, he gave me a great post idea!

Having taken the subway to school, to work and for leisure purposes an umpteen number of times, train journeys have almost become second nature to me. However, you never forget your first times for most activities you do, right? *cue flirty little innuendos*

Ha, I made a funny.

So I thought, since I enjoy trains so much, why not reminisce about some of my favorite times on a trains. I get a lovely ride through memory lane, and y'all get some great stories out of it!


1. The Shatabdi Express

So like I said, even though subway rides and train rides have been abundantly present, this particular journey is one I will never forget. My parents, a few close family members and a very excited 6-year-old me were taking a short train ride between my home city of Pune and Mumbai, or then as it was known, Bombay. Anyone who is reading this in India will laugh out loud at the commonality of this journey, but to me, it was an adventure waiting to happen.

The hot and humid temperature of India is well-known all around the world. It being summer at the time, Mother Nature was already hitting us with everything she had. At a time like this, finding out that you'd bought first class 'air-conditioned car' tickets was like music to anybody's ears!

Not only did we have a blissfully cool journey, but what was more - we were served food during the ride! It almost felt like we were on a plane... on land... y'all know what I mean. To this day, I remember my excitement, my squeals and giggles when the food arrived, and my delight at the funny feeling just when I got off the train, but my body still felt like it was on it.

This was exactly what the the train looked like. What made that journey even more memorable was, I traveled between those 2 cities several times again. But never again did I ever sit on the Shatabdi Express in my life, to this day.



2. The August Kranti Rajdhani Express

Another train journey in India, this time from Mumbai to New Delhi, the famous capital of India. This train was very well known, and anyone who'd been on it was considered to be very elite and well-traveled. This journey was also special because it was one of the first holidays I took with my parents alone.

Not only did we visit our nation's capital, but we also visited a few other surrounding states, and countries, and saw some amazing landmarks like the Taj Mahal, the Himalayas, and specifically, Mount Everest though a window on a plane. However, it was the Rajdhani Express that led us there. Of course it was air-conditioned too, but it came with berths that turned into beds at night. The journey was almost 2 and a half days, so that was quite a necessary feature.

One of the craziest things I remember doing on this train journey was this: when the train was going through the beautiful state of Punjab, it slowed down greatly while going through some huge fields. The weather was stunning, the meadows were green and the landscape was breathtaking. My dad and I decided to hop off the train for a few minutes, stretch our legs and run beside the train. It was so exciting and I felt like quite the daredevil to have done it. I'm going to choose not to talk about how we could practically see my mom's heart in her throat out of anxiety at the time. *giggles*

Definitely memories I will carry with me for life.



3. The London-Paris Eurostar Rail

Quite the jump from India to Europe, but definitely a journey at the very top of my list. This journey was so memorable to me, because I took this journey the day of my champagne birthday.

Not only did I get a surprise upgrade to first class just because it was my birthday, but I got a whole lot of complimentary goodies on the train too! It was an amazing experience over all. I remember finishing 4 little bottles of wine, and then my first couple of hours in Paris after I got off the train are kind of hazy, because the wine hit me when I stood up.

Nonetheless, the scenery was amazing on the way, the service was incredibly friendly, and I was just on Cloud 9 altogether. That was also the day I got to see the Eiffel Tower for the first time, so that was another one of the books. But the lesson I learned wasn't to not drink too much wine on a train, but to make sure to pee before getting off the train after I've had 4 bottles of wine.

TMI?

Apologies.

But there you have it!

Those were my most memorable train journeys I've had in my life. I'm sure there are a few more memories I have, and I'm sure considering my love of trains there will hopefully be lots more.

But until the next journey...

Hasta la-buh bye!

The Comfort Zone

Hello world,

Forgive me while I scramble to put a short little post together.

Why short?

I have a book in my hands. I can't put it down. I will finish this post after I finish the book. Hopefully within the hour.

I want to write this post in 2 parts, and it makes a lot of sense with how my life currently is. So while I pause it here, I will update this soon!

*Update @ 11:26 p.m.*

So I finished the book.

Let me tell y'all why I called this week's post the Comfort Zone. I'd discussed some ideas about a post with Mumble-wumble earlier, and this wasn't even on the agenda. The idea just popped into my mind, so I decided to go with it.

What is the Comfort Zone?

The Zone of Comfort.

What lies outside of it?

Discomfort..?

I dunno! I'm just being goofy.

----------xx----------xx----------

Inside the Zone

But in all honesty. I think the Comfort Zone is another name for the boundaries we put around ourselves. It's where we find solace, it is a place of familiarity, certainty and safety. It is where we can make mistakes without being afraid, where we can be afraid without being scared, where we can fall without being hurt, and we can hurt without feeling pain.

While this may not make sense to most people, I put a lot of thought into what I said, and each and every word of that statement resonates with me.... as long as I'm in my Comfort Zone.

So in the first part, I want to share a little story that happened to me about... 10 minutes ago.

As I said before, the reason I delayed writing out this post completely was because I was reading a book. Now, in case y'all didn't know from my flowery eloquence, but I am a helpless bibliophile. I love to read books, and I am very passionate about literature in general. I associate snuggling down in bed with a book very much in my Comfort Zone.

The simple act of reading for hours on end without interruption, getting lost in the pages of a book, beginning to live the story in my mind, trying to predict upcoming events within a novel, and just becoming one with the characters gives me so much joy, that I am able to perceive as the truest form of comfort and happiness.

This particular quote I came across also really got me to think of how true it is:

It truly is a beautiful place, considering one does whatever they like without fear of several negative repercussions hanging over their head. I love reading books, and I'm associating the solace I find in a book with my Comfort Zone. While it's an activity that gives me immense joy, and of course, more knowledge, the activity itself is the same. So I understand why nothing ever grows there.

----------xx----------xx----------

Outside the Zone

The number of people who claim that true adventure and several other amazing entities lie only outside your Comfort Zone clearly never read a book before!

Just kidding.

But seriously, people say that. A lot. And I get it. When you partake in something that lies well outside your Comfort Zone, while you may be thoroughly disconcerted initially, you are bound to enjoy the experience greatly. It will stay with you longer because you are doing something that isn't a part of your daily routine, something you are not used to. The book I just read was all about putting the main character well out of it's Comfort Zone, and I was right there, feeling just as uncomfortable with him all the way through.

But anyway, why am I writing about being outside the Zone?

Because I am about to step outside my Comfort Zone in RL. I am about to let go of something I have called home for so long, and go someplace completely new. I am feeling so... vulnerable. I haven't a clue whether I will like where I'm going, whether it will truly ever compare to where I am, whether I can find a way to bring my Comfort Zone here.

I just thought it was a such a wonderful and contrasting comparison that I was seeing in my own life, that I had to share it with y'all. While a part of me is overjoyed at finding my "happy place" in the books, all of me in reality, is actually leaving my place to go elsewhere.

So I'm in a pretty dazed trance.. sort of floating on the inside as well as the outside of my Comfort Zone right now. It gets easy and difficult in parts, but might I say, it's quite the learning experience.

I also don't know if I agree with this statement 100%, but I can sure guarantee that stepping outside the walls you've built for yourself, you will be greeted by sights and feelings you've only dreamed of seeing before.

So take a chance, take a leap of faith, push those walls, and bring in more adventure. I have a lot more to say on the subject, but gravity is doing a splendid job of pulling my head to the pillow.

With that, I bid you all good night!

Until next week...

Hasta la-buh bye!

PS - There is a very specific reason I've been capitalizing Comfort Zone. Go read Paper Towns.

The Toughest Critic

Greetings.

You know, if someone out there was actually keeping up with this blog (apart from my friends), they'd be pretty fed up with me by now.

Why, you ask?

Because, I have been harping about how hard RL has been for quite some time now, and honestly, more than anyone else out there, I'm getting the most tired of complaining about it.

So this post is not going to be about how hard it (still) is, or how I'm lost, or how I don't know what to do. While facing this difficult time, I know that I'm learning things about myself. I'm seeing how I'm dealing with the challenges that come my way. I feel like I know how I'd want to deal with them, I'm gathering what I'm learning from them.

So simply put, this post is about acceptance. Or the attempt of...

I believe I've said this a few times before, and I'll say it again - but I have a very internal locus of control. For me to stand by while things to and around me just happen, does not fall within my comfort zone. Unless I am actively trying to change a potentially bad situation, I cannot stand the feeling of helplessness that comes with the loss of control.

I said something to a friend yesterday that sounded quite profound then: I am of the belief that outcomes are the reasons of my actions, and never the other way around. What happens to and around me is because of the choices I make and the steps I take. Ergo, there is no one else to blame for when I happen to be in a tough situation except for myself.

And I think that's where the problem lies.

In all honesty, this was a philosophy taught to me by my parents, and I embody it wherever I go. And if I may say so myself, I am pretty darn proud of it. They taught me: don't only take credit when good things happen. Always accept responsibility and ownership when bad things happen, too.

And in doing so, I think I am too humble and take on ownership that may not be mine, in many of my life's situations. My friends, in the past, have pointed out to me that I often feel guilty about other people's issues, simply because they have told me about them. I go out of my way to help others even when I may not necessarily have the time or the desire to, only because they have trusted me with it, and I feel obligated. But I think I need to teach myself that it's okay to not help everyone in my life; people will understand that I have my own world of challenges to face.

However, this is much easier said than done. I think I have now become much much better at it than I used to be before, but a long way lies ahead. And within the process of extracting myself from everyone else, and trying to focus my attention on myself that I have come across something. I always say this to my friends, my colleagues and everyone around me, but the extent to which this statement rings with truth is something I'm only now grasping: I am my toughest critic.

I am always so hard on myself and have such high expectations, that if I do not meet or exceed my own expectations, I feel let down. Beliiieeevvveee me when I say, it is not a good feeling. Unfortunately, I am far too quick to point the finger of blame towards myself, and I am also not very kind if I judge myself. The spiraling abyss of dark thoughts that can follow these judgments can be pretty nasty; it's usually a hole I find very hard to climb out of. Remember the Blame Game? Not only am I my toughest opponent, but I'm also the best player on either side.

I believe that apart from simply accepting that there are things (now, and will be later) that will just be out of my control, I need to truly come to terms with it. I need to start being okay with it. I don't quite know how I'm going to do that, but at least I know that it needs to be done. I have been learning a lot about myself lately because of everything that I'm going through, and this post certainly does not mark the end of my journey. Just something that I thought I would share along the way.

I know there are a handful of people out there who are like me - people who do take the blame on to themselves, even when it's not theirs to take. This post is for them. It's not your place, it's not your responsibility and most importantly, it isn't your fault. While being your own devil's advocate and your own harshest judge can be good, it can become a hindrance pretty quickly.

I know that I need to learn how to draw the line and when to stop being hard on myself. I need to learn when to take a break from constantly measuring myself to the odds at hand. I need to learn to let things go.

The only question that remains is - how do I do that?

Until next time, y'all.

Hasta la-buh bye!

The Credibility of Superstition

You guys...

There are so many things going on in my brain... it's not even funny. I'm honestly not able to finish a single thought that comes into my head without it being interrupted by another thought.

>.<

What is going on?!

Sigh. Any moo. Hello all!

I wanted to write about something interesting that I noticed about myself in these last couple of weeks. I remember mentioning a couple of weeks ago that I was about to make some difficult choices and hard decisions in the upcoming weeks to come.

Well, I did make some tough choices. There were some tearful nights. There were irrational outbursts of anger. There were inexplicable bouts of sadness. I'm in the process of taking ownership of my actions, so I will likely act out a bit in the next few days to come as well.

Short back story.

I cut someone out of my life who I did not want to be around any more. I have not done anything like that in a very long time, and I almost forgot how hard it was. There were a few hard truths I needed to face about why I did not want this person to be a part of my life any more. I realized: not only was I keeping them around for the wrong reasons, I was also using wrong reasons to want to walk away from them. Not only was I being unfair to myself, I was being untrue to them.

Any how. There is a point to this, promise.

Now I'm about to disclose something very personal about myself, as always. And in doing so, I'm also taking responsibility for all the things I say.

Superstition. It's a funny concept. Do I believe in it? I don't quite know. But there are things that have happened in my past that have led me to have a healthy amount of respect for superstitions, signs and maybe even myths. Personally, I have a very internal locus of control, meaning I rarely allow things to simply happen. I truly like to be in charge of, and take ownership of everything that happens to and around me. But I neither silly nor naive enough to think that everything is or can be under my control.

No, no, no, no. no, no, no.

There are things outside my control, and some things outside everyone's control. Not everyone knows the reason for these things to happen, nor can they always be explained. I know I'm being vague, but let me try to explain what I'm trying to say.

Let's talk about my particular situation.

I was, and I have been having a rough few weeks, in the spirit of honesty. Things have been stressful, difficult, unpromising, unfavorable, and just... hard. However, after I stopped talking to this person, I think a few very big, good things happened. All of a sudden. I swear I normally never think along these lines, but this thought just wandered into my head. How did things pick up after I cut this person off? Why was something that was not working suddenly work? Why was there suddenly many opportunities where nothing was present before?

And once this thought lodged itself in my head, I couldn't help but ponder it. Was this to be taken as a sign? Don't get me wrong, I didn't think it was easy to cut this person out. I wasn't delighted not to be speaking with them any more. In fact, a part of me almost wanted to speak to them a few days later. But something stopped me. I think this thought stopped me. And I've been holding back reaching out to them ever since. (I know that reaching out to someone you've cut out of your life makes the action moot, but that's a discussion for another time!)

Ergo, the title to my post. How much credibility does this thought have? Where did it come to my brain from? Were all the things meant to happen at that time any way, and my walking away from this person just happened to precede these instances? Is it just a superstition or was the person not a good influence for me? I really don't know! I'm actually very uncomfortable with these thoughts, but I want to put them out there and get them out of my system. I want to logically trump them, because rationally is how I think.... I think.

Oh dear.

But yes, that was my rant for today. Is there anyone else out there like me? Have these thoughts every crossed anyone else's mind? Or am I just crazy?

Another confession though: do you guys have any idea how hard it is to look at my last post and see the day as Friday? *heart breaks* It was one day! :(

With this, I shall wrap up my strange, disconcerting post tonight.

Until next week.

Hasta la-buh bye!