Limit.

I've just had a little over half a bottle of wine.

Some real confessions are about to happen.

So I was thinking...

We all have a limit. Whether it is a limit of patience, the limit of fun, limit of sacrifice, or even a limit of love - everyone has one. They're usually sitting at that point where individuals just can't any more. They just can't. Even the quietest, calmest, and the most patient person reaches their limit.

I like to think of myself as an extremely patient person; I also think I've got a higher level of understanding than others, and if I may say so myself, an almost unparalleled capacity to compromise and sacrifice.

Over the last few years, I learned the true value and importance my friends held in my life. As soon as I realized it, I marveled at my own power of selflessness, the effect of giving without expectations, and the gratitude that came with my understanding. More than once, it felt like these traits were being taken for granted and I truly struggled with being the person I wanted to be.

I often asked myself why I possessed (or felt the need to possess) these traits. Was I trying to fit in? Was I aiming for acceptance? Did I need social approval for my personality? I'd be lying if I said that these factors didn't play a role in the development of my personality. To a certain extent, they did. However, at the same time, not being the person who did things for others, who effortlessly put her needs after everyone else's, who was always there when a friend needed her was just not something I was able to do.

A part of me always knew that no one really needed me to be this way. Another part of me knew that my friends appreciated me being this way. And yet, as much as I hate to admit it, a small part of me just longed for some recognition.

I didn't want pats on the back every day. I didn't want ballads and sagas to be written about it. I didn't expect my face to be on a billboard. But a small comment of acknowledgement, an extra smile, a warm hug, or even a comment of gratitude on occasion would feel like magic to me. I understand that I'm mooting the point of selflessness here, but I'm blatantly going to blame it on the chardonnay that seems to be craving attention at the moment.

So.

What was my reason to write this post?

I'm not sure.

I think today, just for a few moments, I reached my limit.

Something felt wrong.

I felt forgotten. I felt insignificant. I felt unimportant. I felt disappointed. I was sad.

I don't quite know what brought on such a strong, negative feeling in my heart. I don't know what triggered such an upsetting reaction that I felt the need to blog about it. All I know is, in that moment, I felt an unfathomable hopelessness engulf me. I felt like I'd been feeding everything good I could offer in my life into this abyss of darkness that never returned anything back. In that moment, I felt like all the things I did so lovingly for others held no meaning whatsoever; it felt like they were all for naught. In that moment, I felt truly uncertain about my own life, my personality, all these traits that I had honed over the years, and qualities about myself that I prided. In that moment, I experienced a true paradigm shift.

I realized later that in honing all of those personality traits, I had developed something else about myself that I largely lacked before: relentlessness. I had perfected an untiring determination to do things my own way, or get what I wanted, or have things go my own way. I realized that the positive energy that surrounded me usually couldn't be touched. It had been beaten and dented many a times, and it had also taken more than one nasty hit (like today).

But ultimately, nobody could tell me what to do, nobody could tell me how to feel. I realize that this sounds more like stubbornness rather than determination, but I also realized that allowing someone else to dictate my actions and feelings was something I found extremely disconcerting! It was not in my being to take orders from people. I have mentioned my internal locus of control before; I'd just feel... strange if I allowed others to make decisions for me.

And then I remembered a quote by one of my favorite personalities in history. Eleanor Roosevelt had said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". I realized that my intent, which was to spread happiness around me, was sincere, pure and unwavering. I almost had a delirious epiphany when I realized that I didn't have to define my limit.

And for this reason, I am sometimes my own hero.

Truth be told, I do think I hit my limit. I did think that I couldn't take something beyond a certain point. I did wish for a few moments in which my actions would be recognized and reciprocated. However, the second I realized the selfishness behind these desires, they somehow just melted away from my mind. I am now able to view everything around me with a fresh perspective. I am able to admire myself for being able to go even further down the path of goodness.

So basically, the moral of my own pep talk here is that yes, I have limits. I also think that it falls within basic human nature to have these limits. However, if I am capable of thinking and feeling like the most natural human being, I must also have capability that I may be oblivious to: If I can have limits, I can also be limitless.

I call it a night here.

Think about it.

Until next week.

Hasta la-buh bye!

The Silver Lining

Today was a big day. Tonight is a big night. Tomorrow is a bigger day.

Tonight is the eve of my 25th birthday! I will be celebrating my silver jubilee of life, hence the title :)

I have come such a long way in my short 25 years of life, and I have so much to be thankful for. My heart is proud for each day I've lived and my brain is delirious with happiness for all I've learned.

I am going to dedicate the upcoming weekend to really sit down and write, like I haven't written in a while. Mayhaps I'll come back and edit this post, but I haven't planned out what to write this week.

Tonight, I am going to give myself the evening off. I am in my happy place surrounded by people who love me more than life; people who go out of their way to make every moment special for me. I want to surround myself with that warm, fuzzy feeling tonight, and welcome another year of excitement with these amazing people.

Tomorrow, I want to promise myself to take on more adventures, to put myself out of my comfort zone, to always tell the truth, to do good things, to be a good person, to become someone that I will be proud of, and to make the most of each day I get to wake up to.

Tomorrow, I want to make a crazy bucket list and cross things off it every year. I want to meet new people who inspire me to be smarter. I want to set goals that seem impossible to reach, but feel amazing to have been attained. I want to set my sights higher than the summit and farther than the horizon. I want to dream big and make an amazing change in the world. I want to be known as an passionate, driven, motivating and inspirational individual.

My birthday is honestly my favorite day of the year where I get to celebrate all the goodness, that is me.. forgive me while I toot my own horn (*ta-da!*). On this day, I love to spread unconditional love and happiness to my friends, family and even some acquaintances. It is the one day I get shamelessly possessive of my friends, I enjoy being the blatant center of attention, and I admit that I love to let everyone pamper me.

Tomorrow will be an exciting day because I will spend it with the people who make me feel like I am walking on air. These people make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world because they have my back whenever I need. Tomorrow will be a day to be additionally thankful for being alive and for getting to see another beautiful sunrise.

Tomorrow will be a good day.

Tomorrow will be my birthday =D

I want all these extraordinary things from life and have all these extravagant plans. However, most importantly, I never want to forget humility, honesty and gratitude for everything I already have in my life. Above all, I want to promise myself to always see the Silver Lining, no matter how dark the clouds seem to be.

For anyone who has kept up with my blog or who has even read a single thing on it - you are the greatest human person ever to walk this planet and don't you let anyone tell you otherwise!

Until next week, m'dears.

Hasta la-buh bye!

Guilty Pleasures

Let's face it, we all have guilty pleasures.

That's right. No intro. I'm just going to dive right in.

I just spent the last 2 hours at a casino spending some hard earned money! (I know I'm saying it like I blew a few bills.. but I only spent $30.. irrelevant!). The fact of the matter remains that I gambled, and I actually enjoyed it.

So this got me thinking. There must be many other things in the world we all secretly enjoy doing, but we never admit to it.

Why? Mayhaps because we're afraid we'll be judged. Know what I say? Who cares!

If there are things you enjoy doing, you should just do them without giving a hoot what the world thinks. Not that I'm endorsing addictions here, but let me take the first step and share some of my own guilty pleasures with y'all.

Gambling

Not going to lie, it is freakishly easy to get carried away at a casino. I always stay within my limits, but boy does that slot machine music keep playing in my head for a few hours after I've left.

Bubble wrap!

I think there is nothing more amazing in the world than being able to pop the bubbles on a sheet of bubble wrap. When I was younger, the Moms used to chase me around the house, hit me with a few choice words and even the occasional shoe for popping bubbles from bubble wrap.

Red Velvet Goodies

Cookies? Yes. Cake? Yes. Macaroons? Yes, yes and yes. Regardless of what diet I ever go on, when it comes to "red velvet stuff", I will shamelessly pick it up and gobble it down. Who ever heard of s sane person passing up an opportunity to have a red velvet cheesecake cupcake?!

Disobedience

I think there is a sort of thrill associated with not listening to someone in a position of authority. Whether it is a supervisor at work, a parent, a friend, a partner or even a stranger, defying an order and secretly doing things your own way gives you a satisfaction that just cannot be paralleled. If you haven't done so, I strongly suggest you try it. Start of small. Wear mismatched socks to work.

Solo Concerts

Whether it's jumping around your room in your bathrobe, finding a moment alone at work to do a little jig, or pretending you're performing for a crowd of a million that's hiding behind your shower curtain, eeeeverybody enjoys those moments when they pretend to be a famous rock star.

Childhood Loves

And last, but not least, I will proudly confess to this: everything I loved doing in my childhood, I enjoy it just as much, if not more, today. Reading Harry Potter still makes me feel like I'm 12. Listening to Westlife still makes me smile, cry and marry that entire boy band at the same time. I still think Tom & Jerry is the greatest cartoon to have ever been made. I still wish I had a hot Uncle Jesse. And I still have a crush on Tino from The Weekenders *blushes*. You can judge.

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So there you have it! These are some secret pleasures I'm guilty of.

What are yours? Until next week...

Hasta la-buh bye!

If...: Chapter 1

Hey y'all!

Tonight's post is dedicated to a very special friend of mine who's amusing brain will never let me run out of ideas to write about; Happy Birthday, JJ! In honor of his special day, I'm starting this new series called "If..."

Within this series, I'm going to basically speculate about how a situation, or my perspective or my life would be if a certain thing happened.

As always, I'm too exhausted right now to write this week's whole idea out. But long story short - this morning when Birthday Boy and I were walking, we touched on the topic of what we would do if we got to be invisible for a day. As soon as he said that, my spidey senses tingled in anticipation of a new topic. So here goes this post:

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If I was invisible for a day...

Have you ever had a moment where you've wished you were just invisible? Did you ever wish you could erase yourself from a moment, but know what it could look like anyway? Or wanted to be a fly on the wall and just observe something without having to make your presence known? I know I have, and through this little post, I'd like to share with you the top 3 things I'd do if I were invisible for a day.

(By the by, the picture that I've posted is making me want to do nothing more than curl up in my bed with a Harry Potter book. *pouts*)

But anyway, here goes:

1. Solve a mystery

Nothing intrigues me than a mystery; whether it's a mysterious person, a mysterious event or even a mysterious object. I have thought so long about whether its more fun to puzzle over something that drives me bonkers, or to simply know the answer.

If I were invisible, I think I would pick one thing and just chase it until I got to the very bottom of it. There a few people in my life who are way more mysterious than they should be (yes, Kryptonite & Mumble-Wumble, I'm looking at you). Granted this makes them super hot and very cool, but at times, it becomes rather exhausting to constantly speculate what they are thinking.

Sometimes, I would just like to know what such people are like behind closed doors. I think it would be really interesting to see them away from a certain light, with their guards down, and when they are their most open and true selves. Maybe I'm hoping I'll find an entrance to the secret reserve where they get all their coolness from...

Although I have to admit, I personally find it much more amusing to simply wonder, rather than know, what a person is like when they think they are not being watched. Given the chance, I would definitely choose to keep it a mystery.

2. Make the headlines

Seriously, think about it...

If I were invisible, I'd definitely find a way to be noticed. I'd probably do crazy things that I would never otherwise want people to know I'm doing. I must confess, not all of these would be legal... but if I did do things that were illegal, I'd also be sure to do good deeds to tip the scales back in my favor.

I definitely wouldn't kill anybody, but if I could, I'd probably give all the mean people in my life a good scare and convince them that they are being haunted. I'd turn the lights on and off in their houses, make objects fly, leave them a few notes and maybe even get a few "Boo!"s in.

I also wouldn't mind sneaking in to a concert, getting up on stage and performing with the artists. I'd also have such great opportunities to stop petty crimes on the street, especially pick-pockets and little robbers. I would love to get on a flight to anywhere without a ticket and go wherever my heart desired. Without a doubt, I would hunt down a few celebrities and join them in their homes.

The possibilities sure are endless!

3. Spy

Actually, I'm not sure how appropriate a title "spy" is for this particular activity.

I would like nothing more than to find out what people actually think of me. I would definitely find a way to hear what people I know say about me after I leave the room. If they are good things, I'd be humbled. If they are bad things, I'd take it to heart and find a way to improve my personality. I'd know who my true well-wishers are, who I need to watch out for, and who I can and cannot trust.

In all honesty, I think it would be an amazing experience to be invisible for a day. You could learn so much more about the world by being "behind the scenes" (figuratively). You could see so much more from a fresh pair of eyes and learn what to appreciate more and what to perceive critically. It could be an amazing learning experience and would definitely give you a great story for days to come.

Fin.

I hope y'all enjoyed this little story kinda thing!

Until next week...

Hasta la-buh bye!

Fabulous Fall Festivities!

Salutations!

I swear this isn't going to become a trend with the triple letter threats like last week; the occasion just called for this.

I hope every single person reading this post is in much much better condition than I'm in. I am sick, tired, and terribly unwell. But at the same time, I am so excited that it is the first day of October!

Can we just let that sink in for a second?

My birthday month has begun!

I'm beyond psyched. Fall is coming, it's October, the weather is cooling down, the leaves are starting to change color, what more could I ask for?! I mean, I wouldn't mind being well... you know... health-wise and all, but I have enough on my plate to be very thankful for!

So I'm not really even sure what I'm writing about tonight. My sick brain hasn't allowed me to come up with a topic yet. I'm thinking of writing a short story, bt I'm definitely not making any progress on it tonight. I'm about to down some NeoCitran shortly, so I'll be conked out like a light.

However, so as not to fall back on my posts, I put out a little blurb.

(Ya happy now?!)

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So I just wanted to share what I'm excited about for October, and if you happen to be living in Toronto, you should totally do these little things I'm recommending.

1. Nuit Blanche!

The usual annual art crawl is an amazing place for art enthusiasts to explore, perceive and grow their knowledge about art. For those who don't know what nuit blanche means, it literally translates to "a sleepless night". Toronto, has given it a whole new meaning by hosting an annual tradition of an artist's paradise since 2006. This year, it will be on October 3rd, 2015 - in two days! If you are able to, I highly advise you to check it out!

2. Halloween!

Halloween is one of my favorite days in the year; there is an inexplicable magic about the night; I simply love to venture out on Halloween and take in the fall air, hear the sounds of leaves crunching under my feet, and weave in and out of the shadows on darkened sidewalks. I also love watching the kids dress up in adorable costumes and go with their hopeful faces door to door for some candy. Having done this until I was well into my teens, I give them a lot of credit for collecting goodies. October 31st cannot come soon enough!

3. My birth anniversary!

Haha, I am usually not one to advertise my birthday to people, but who am I kidding - we all love birthdays. I think it is the best day of my year, I feel like I truly want to celebrate myself and all my awesomeness, and I am shamelessly open to compliments, hugs and attention for the one particular day. Slowly over the years, the term birthday has become moot and I've been extending the celebration to last throughout the month. Ergo the excitement of it being October. For this particular day, y'all won't be able to do much, but on the 23rd of this month, everybody should send me a very warm hug and a loving thought from wherever they are in the world.

So, I hope you all can join me at my level of excitement and stick with my babbles throughout the month! I'm fairly certain that there will be more mentions of birthday related stuff in upcoming posts.

But until then...

Hasta la-buh bye!