Proximity.

Aloha, everyone.

You know what I appreciate most about my passion to write? Being able to string and piece many and multiple thoughts together. As y'all may have noticed with my run-on sentences, I tend to ramble. Often times, I find myself jumping from one thought to another, leaving my initial thought behind while branching into a new one or even going off on a complete tangent. All scenarios are equally fun, in the spirit of complete honesty.

So it was through one such discussion that I thought of another interesting concept we tend to overlook many-a-time.

The concept of proximity.

While I think this concept applies to several notions in our lives, taking the current time and my current state of mind into consideration, I'm only going to talk about 2 of them.

1. Proximity in ideas

I think this somewhat relates to my point from before - many people tend to start by thinking about one subject. More often than not, this thought leads to another subject, followed by another, and then another. We have epiphanies and realizations as our brain tries to wrap itself around the magnitude of our thoughts.

I've had countless moments where I've slowly realized that my perception on a particular subject was one of a hundred different ways in which the topic could be perceived. Other times, I have only been able to see the "bigger picture", but I've failed to see the nitty-gritty that comes along with it.

It is times like these, where I like to refer to the definition of proximity our trusted friends Mariam & Webster gave us: the state of being near.

In trying to be near, it seems that we combine, innovate, create, and improve on what already exists, and end up with a unique invention of sorts!

2. Proximity in life

This concept has been chewing at my brain for quite some time. While proximity in ideas seems to offer a lot of positive outcomes, I think proximity in life, especially in relationships is seemingly just as adverse and harmful.

To me, the concept of proximity within relationship entails compromise and settlement. There are times in life when people come somewhat close to the goal they have set for themselves, and suddenly decide that that is the best they will ever do, and stop trying.

While in this case, they would be in proximity of their goal, they wouldn't quite be there. And the comfort, satisfaction and (false) sense of accomplishment this proximity offers, I think, is fairly deceiving. At the end of the day, your initially set goal is still not obtained.

Whether you choose to find another way to get there, or keep trying until you reach it, I think in times like these, we should not rely on proximity and the comfort it brings with it.

Similarly, with people and relationships, I am going to give a very bold piece of advice to y'all - take a chance, take a leap of faith. Don't settle within the proximity of what you want; instead, put that aside and chase what you truly set your heart on.

Maybe I haven't thought this concept through in its entirety, but that's what makes blogging fun. You get a play by play of what's happening in my brain. I may revisit it again, and see whether there are additional developments. But until then, it's a wrap!

I guess proximity matters.

Speaking of play, my heart is permanently broken because India lost the semi-finals at the Cricket World Cup *sobs*

With that - it's bedtime. I'm tired to the point of being delirious; my eye is twitching, I'm feverish and I think I've started hallucinating...

Hasta la-buh bye!

Consistent Inconsistencies

Hello world!

Today's post will not be very long - real life has been hitting me hard with everything its got lately. While I greatly appreciate having a job, (I hate to admit this) I can see it taking a toll on me if I was to do it forever. However, this has been my first week on the job and my enthusiasm is still bouncing off the walls. Here's hoping I can keep it so for the next while.

So! What's today's topic?

An oxymoron.

LOL.

Sigh, I have such a strong love-hate relationship with this figure of speech. I perceive an oxymoron very skeptically. However, the magnitude of the message these phrases can convey usually stuns me.

Consistent Inconsistencies.

What do they mean? This particular phrase I think relates to so many different situations. I've touched on topics such as ethics, morals, principles and attitudes before. I always say, "The one thing I try not to be, is a hypocrite. I treat others the way I want to be treated."

Ergo, when people claim to "be a certain" way, or have certain established morals, I automatically assume that they apply it to every aspect of their lives without being selective.

However, I've recently come to learn that people bend and break their own rules all the time! *gasp*

It almost made me lose my trust in the idea of principles, ethics and morals to see that the people who claimed to be extremely fair, practical and unbiased were the ones who had on so many masks that it was almost impossible to tell what their real personality looked like.

I've come to learn that not only does that make me wary of the person, but it also prevents me from being able to ever trust what they say. I find it hard to rely on their word,

My two cents on the matter are this: If you are not able to maintain consistency within your ideals, don't have any! At least that way, you won't be dishonest with yourself and appear unfair and unreliable to those around you. When it comes to sensitive things such as the morals you claim to have, I think consistency portrays credibility.

I think we should also take a moment to assess who's lives we many be influencing by our actions, and what kind of an impact it would have on them if they perceived these fluctuations in your principles to be acceptable. I see all of this leading to only one logical outcome: anarchy.

Especially with a ruler like this.

Thoughts?

While I wasn't really going anywhere with this, it was mostly a rant I needed to get out of my system. I think I should have a few other cool posts coming up in the next few weeks to come.

Until then, though.

Hasta la-buh bye!

The Blame Game

Greetings, earthlings!

It's ranting time. *puts on game face*

So, in case y'all haven't noticed my vehement loyalty to my friends through my writing, I must make this known: my friends (especially the ones I hold close to my heart), mean the world to me.

I have an extraordinary emotional attachment with some people. When they feel disappointed, sad, unhappy, aggravated, hurt or any unpleasant emotional, my heart hurts for them. Not only do I get upset, but I also feel an inexplicable hatred towards the people to make my friends feel that way. I'm a passionate worrier by nature... feeling this way is inevitable. *shrugs*

Anyhow, I digress; but just keep my over-bearing, over-caring, over-protective nature in mind while I introduce this week's topic.

The notion of blaming someone.

I absolutely love this.

What does it mean to blame?

I've realized that this notion comes about about when things don't fall into place a certain way for people, and they want to hold someone or something responsible for the way they are feeling.

But why do people feel this way? I think that we feel the need to blame in order to shift the onus of a situation on to something else, so that our conscience is nice and clear. We 'blame' so we may hold someone accountable for our insecurities, fears and sometimes even our failures. And how do we do so?

After a lot of thought and deliberation, I came to this conclusion: we all seem to play the Blame Game (as I like to call it), with three specific parties.

1. With someone.

I am usually of the belief that all of your actions can be traced back to decisions that you have made in your life. Who you are, is a reflection of the company you choose to keep. How you are, is defined by the mindset you choose when you take on the day. And where you are, is a result of where you've chosen to be.

And yet, when certain things don't work for people, they want to place the 'blame' on someone. Whether it's as a joke or it's serious, I think that individuals feel a strange sense of relief after holding someone responsible for a matter that has fallen through the cracks. It seems to be an indirect reassurance that they need not be worried about shouldering the responsibility for an unfinished piece of work, whatever it may be.

2. With a non-tangible, supernatural entity.

I find this category even funnier and more unrealistic than the first. When people absolutely know that they are solely responsible for their actions, there is no escaping the onus. In times like these, and be honest with me here, how many of you look up to the heavens with a very exasperated expression and think, "Why me?!"? More of us than you think!

*shuffles feet* Even I'm guilty of it on occasion.

Several people who don't call themselves religious or believers will somehow take extensive comfort in blaming their fate, destiny or luck for the way their life is turning out. Granted that there are some things out of a person's control; but what I don't understand is, how does blaming something non-existent appease any of your worries? I would personally view that as an excuse to delay taking complete charge of your life and taking complete control of your actions.

3. With yourself.

I understand that this may seem contradictory to the previous two categories that I wrote about. I know that I seem to be encouraging self-blaming, but I'm not! I think that there is a very distinct difference between owning up to your actions, decisions, principles and ethics, and simply blaming yourself for certain things.

This category is the one where having my over-protective nature can be a real pain. So lately, I have been having some very interesting conversations with Jack and Jill about the people we are surrounded by. Jack is being extremely hard on himself for not being able to recognize the mentality of some people, and is having a hoot and a half playing the Blame Game with himself.

This. Infuriates. Me.

While I understand his perspective about how he thinks he should have "known better", I truly don't see a point in him beating himself up. So I am taking a moment to tell him this: just because you met a few bad apples does not mean you need to suddenly question every fruit you've ever known. Take a risk, and take a bite, however, don't be upset with yourself if you pick up a fruit that's sour on the inside while looking very sweet on the outside.

All I'm saying is, learn a lesson from this experience. Don't linger in that dark place where you keep going over the same things in your head, wishing you had picked up on the hints and clues beforehand. Instead, use this as an opportunity to look out for yourself in the future.

So basically, that was me venting for the day. I hope Jack brushes the dust off and rises back to where he usually belongs. As for the rest of y'all, think about this notion and see what you can change.

Don't waste your precious time looking for someone to blame; life is too short!

Until next week, m'dears.

Hasta la-buh bye!

Nostalgia.

Hey everyone.

I'm gunna be honest with y'all.

This week's post is going to be fairly somber, courtesy of an extremely rough day.

Like last week, there is no script to this, nor is this a planned post. I gave up trying to be intellectually stimulating today. It's one of those days where I need to indulge in the act of venting.

Bear with me, won't you?

Since today was an awfully difficult day, I had an idea: I'm going to pick 3 highlights from today and talk about why they sent me reeling back in time and brought back some really intense memories.

Here we go.

1. I witnessed an accident.

This took me back to a horrendous moment in my life about 14 years ago. My mother and I got into a really bad road accident. It resulted in my mom getting a huge wound, the scar of which she still sports. And it also resulted in me breaking my leg, and hence bringing my tennis career to an end.

That day, that moment, those feelings...they are all like a large, crouching monster I'm yet to face. I keep postponing it, because I am terrified even just thinking about it.

However today, when I saw a pedestrian get hit by a vehicle and saw her wounded, I was so overcome with emotions that I went into hysterics and had a panic attack. Had it not been for my friends with me, the paramedics may have had to take 2 people to the hospital instead of one.

Alstar and JJ, I thank my lucky stars I have you.

I have been saying many prayers for the young lady who was hurt today, and I will keep hoping that she has a speedy recovery. I hope everyone involved in that accident is okay.

This was probably the saddest and most frightening part of my day. It reminded me really forcefully how delicate the balance of life really is, and how fast it can end for someone. I always tell people to make the most of what they have, appreciate their lives and live without regrets, and this is exactly why. In the words of a very Bollywood movie, "Kya pata, kal ho naa ho..."

The other 2 incidents brought back very happy memories, however left me feeling oddly empty.

2. I hurt myself dancing.

So, two of my girlfriends and I are putting together a little performance for an upcoming charity event. I have had the time of my life preparing for the show with them.

From picking out the music, stressing out about outfits and choreographing our steps, it has been an absolute hoot and a half, and we've barely begun the process.

Anymoo. I think I got a little too excited while doing some of the steps and ended up twisting and spraining my ankle. Incidentally, this happened to be the same foot which had earlier been crushed by someone's heavy suitcase on the TTC, and is now playing host to two very swollen fingers.

However, when it comes to performances, I am a trooper. I will stomach this pain and dance the night away, without thinking about the pain... until after the performance is done. Then I'll hobble around for a week afterwards.

This sent me back to the time I used to participate in dance shows in India. I remember collaborating with a large group of girls, working so hard to get the steps just right, trying to be in sync and look good, having practices after school while gossiping, and the feeling of immense pride we used to get after the show. Every single one of those shows was so special, full of so many good memories, and invariably in each one of them, I hurt myself in one way or another.

This memory, although happy, left me feeling very hollow when I thought of how all of us girls have now grown up and moved away from each other. But there are always reunions, right? Hopefully?

3. I went to an old hang out spot.

This particular memory didn't take me back as far as the other two did, but it definitely made me most wistful. Last year, around this time, I met an amazing bunch of people with whom I became close very quickly.

I was in my final semester of university. I was juggling 3 part-time jobs. I had more on my plate than a normal person could handle. I was always tired, in zombie-mode, sleep-deprived, barely keeping up with life, and frequently grumpy.

But it was because of this group of friends that I got through those 4 months. They got me through some really tough spots - there were a few tears, many meltdowns and many cheers. We made it a point to hang out every week: on Thursdays.

This gang made me take this evening off each week. They made sure I would unwind, relax and maintain my sanity to graduate on time. Granted, they turned me into a bit of an alcoholic... but nonetheless! I owe an amazing semester to Bear, Tall Guy, Shorty, Moonchild and Jellyfish.

They were my pillars a year ago, and it gives me so much joy that they are all still very much a part of my topsy-turvy world.

So this was my walk down memory lane today.

Some good, some bad, some scary and some sad memories were reminisced about. Each had it's own significance, each helped shape the person I am today, and each taught me the lesson of a lifetime.

Anyhow, that's it for me today.

Until next time, y'all. *waves*

Hasta la-buh bye!