Track Record.

Hi!

So excuse me while I give myself a high five on coming up with such a cool title for today's post! =D

Take a guess what it's about. Go on. Guess.

Trains!

Yes, that is the Hogwarts Express. Don't judge.

So anyway. For as long as I can remember, trains have been my absolute favorite mode of transportation on land (aside from flying of course). I cannot count the number of train journeys I've had in my life, and some little thing has always made each of these journeys memorable to me.

Today, I took an important train journey. It was my first time commuting to my old work from my new place. While I wasn't sure how I'd feel about moving to a new home, a new city, and leaving behind the only neighborhood I've known in Canada, I was actually pretty excited about this particular train ride... in secret.

So a (very good-looking) gentleman sat across from me on the train this morning. I didn't realize he was observing me until I glanced at him and saw that he was looking at me as though he was about to say something. When I looked at him in a politely questioning manner, he said, "Which one is it?"

"Pardon?", I inquired.

He smiled and said, "You looked like you were looking out the window with either a photographer's eye or a writer's mind. Which one is it?"

I was so taken aback and pleasantly flattered by his comment, that all I could manage was to blush and grin like a wee monkey. But nonetheless, he gave me a great post idea!

Having taken the subway to school, to work and for leisure purposes an umpteen number of times, train journeys have almost become second nature to me. However, you never forget your first times for most activities you do, right? *cue flirty little innuendos*

Ha, I made a funny.

So I thought, since I enjoy trains so much, why not reminisce about some of my favorite times on a trains. I get a lovely ride through memory lane, and y'all get some great stories out of it!


1. The Shatabdi Express

So like I said, even though subway rides and train rides have been abundantly present, this particular journey is one I will never forget. My parents, a few close family members and a very excited 6-year-old me were taking a short train ride between my home city of Pune and Mumbai, or then as it was known, Bombay. Anyone who is reading this in India will laugh out loud at the commonality of this journey, but to me, it was an adventure waiting to happen.

The hot and humid temperature of India is well-known all around the world. It being summer at the time, Mother Nature was already hitting us with everything she had. At a time like this, finding out that you'd bought first class 'air-conditioned car' tickets was like music to anybody's ears!

Not only did we have a blissfully cool journey, but what was more - we were served food during the ride! It almost felt like we were on a plane... on land... y'all know what I mean. To this day, I remember my excitement, my squeals and giggles when the food arrived, and my delight at the funny feeling just when I got off the train, but my body still felt like it was on it.

This was exactly what the the train looked like. What made that journey even more memorable was, I traveled between those 2 cities several times again. But never again did I ever sit on the Shatabdi Express in my life, to this day.



2. The August Kranti Rajdhani Express

Another train journey in India, this time from Mumbai to New Delhi, the famous capital of India. This train was very well known, and anyone who'd been on it was considered to be very elite and well-traveled. This journey was also special because it was one of the first holidays I took with my parents alone.

Not only did we visit our nation's capital, but we also visited a few other surrounding states, and countries, and saw some amazing landmarks like the Taj Mahal, the Himalayas, and specifically, Mount Everest though a window on a plane. However, it was the Rajdhani Express that led us there. Of course it was air-conditioned too, but it came with berths that turned into beds at night. The journey was almost 2 and a half days, so that was quite a necessary feature.

One of the craziest things I remember doing on this train journey was this: when the train was going through the beautiful state of Punjab, it slowed down greatly while going through some huge fields. The weather was stunning, the meadows were green and the landscape was breathtaking. My dad and I decided to hop off the train for a few minutes, stretch our legs and run beside the train. It was so exciting and I felt like quite the daredevil to have done it. I'm going to choose not to talk about how we could practically see my mom's heart in her throat out of anxiety at the time. *giggles*

Definitely memories I will carry with me for life.



3. The London-Paris Eurostar Rail

Quite the jump from India to Europe, but definitely a journey at the very top of my list. This journey was so memorable to me, because I took this journey the day of my champagne birthday.

Not only did I get a surprise upgrade to first class just because it was my birthday, but I got a whole lot of complimentary goodies on the train too! It was an amazing experience over all. I remember finishing 4 little bottles of wine, and then my first couple of hours in Paris after I got off the train are kind of hazy, because the wine hit me when I stood up.

Nonetheless, the scenery was amazing on the way, the service was incredibly friendly, and I was just on Cloud 9 altogether. That was also the day I got to see the Eiffel Tower for the first time, so that was another one of the books. But the lesson I learned wasn't to not drink too much wine on a train, but to make sure to pee before getting off the train after I've had 4 bottles of wine.

TMI?

Apologies.

But there you have it!

Those were my most memorable train journeys I've had in my life. I'm sure there are a few more memories I have, and I'm sure considering my love of trains there will hopefully be lots more.

But until the next journey...

Hasta la-buh bye!

The Comfort Zone

Hello world,

Forgive me while I scramble to put a short little post together.

Why short?

I have a book in my hands. I can't put it down. I will finish this post after I finish the book. Hopefully within the hour.

I want to write this post in 2 parts, and it makes a lot of sense with how my life currently is. So while I pause it here, I will update this soon!

*Update @ 11:26 p.m.*

So I finished the book.

Let me tell y'all why I called this week's post the Comfort Zone. I'd discussed some ideas about a post with Mumble-wumble earlier, and this wasn't even on the agenda. The idea just popped into my mind, so I decided to go with it.

What is the Comfort Zone?

The Zone of Comfort.

What lies outside of it?

Discomfort..?

I dunno! I'm just being goofy.

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Inside the Zone

But in all honesty. I think the Comfort Zone is another name for the boundaries we put around ourselves. It's where we find solace, it is a place of familiarity, certainty and safety. It is where we can make mistakes without being afraid, where we can be afraid without being scared, where we can fall without being hurt, and we can hurt without feeling pain.

While this may not make sense to most people, I put a lot of thought into what I said, and each and every word of that statement resonates with me.... as long as I'm in my Comfort Zone.

So in the first part, I want to share a little story that happened to me about... 10 minutes ago.

As I said before, the reason I delayed writing out this post completely was because I was reading a book. Now, in case y'all didn't know from my flowery eloquence, but I am a helpless bibliophile. I love to read books, and I am very passionate about literature in general. I associate snuggling down in bed with a book very much in my Comfort Zone.

The simple act of reading for hours on end without interruption, getting lost in the pages of a book, beginning to live the story in my mind, trying to predict upcoming events within a novel, and just becoming one with the characters gives me so much joy, that I am able to perceive as the truest form of comfort and happiness.

This particular quote I came across also really got me to think of how true it is:

It truly is a beautiful place, considering one does whatever they like without fear of several negative repercussions hanging over their head. I love reading books, and I'm associating the solace I find in a book with my Comfort Zone. While it's an activity that gives me immense joy, and of course, more knowledge, the activity itself is the same. So I understand why nothing ever grows there.

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Outside the Zone

The number of people who claim that true adventure and several other amazing entities lie only outside your Comfort Zone clearly never read a book before!

Just kidding.

But seriously, people say that. A lot. And I get it. When you partake in something that lies well outside your Comfort Zone, while you may be thoroughly disconcerted initially, you are bound to enjoy the experience greatly. It will stay with you longer because you are doing something that isn't a part of your daily routine, something you are not used to. The book I just read was all about putting the main character well out of it's Comfort Zone, and I was right there, feeling just as uncomfortable with him all the way through.

But anyway, why am I writing about being outside the Zone?

Because I am about to step outside my Comfort Zone in RL. I am about to let go of something I have called home for so long, and go someplace completely new. I am feeling so... vulnerable. I haven't a clue whether I will like where I'm going, whether it will truly ever compare to where I am, whether I can find a way to bring my Comfort Zone here.

I just thought it was a such a wonderful and contrasting comparison that I was seeing in my own life, that I had to share it with y'all. While a part of me is overjoyed at finding my "happy place" in the books, all of me in reality, is actually leaving my place to go elsewhere.

So I'm in a pretty dazed trance.. sort of floating on the inside as well as the outside of my Comfort Zone right now. It gets easy and difficult in parts, but might I say, it's quite the learning experience.

I also don't know if I agree with this statement 100%, but I can sure guarantee that stepping outside the walls you've built for yourself, you will be greeted by sights and feelings you've only dreamed of seeing before.

So take a chance, take a leap of faith, push those walls, and bring in more adventure. I have a lot more to say on the subject, but gravity is doing a splendid job of pulling my head to the pillow.

With that, I bid you all good night!

Until next week...

Hasta la-buh bye!

PS - There is a very specific reason I've been capitalizing Comfort Zone. Go read Paper Towns.

The Toughest Critic

Greetings.

You know, if someone out there was actually keeping up with this blog (apart from my friends), they'd be pretty fed up with me by now.

Why, you ask?

Because, I have been harping about how hard RL has been for quite some time now, and honestly, more than anyone else out there, I'm getting the most tired of complaining about it.

So this post is not going to be about how hard it (still) is, or how I'm lost, or how I don't know what to do. While facing this difficult time, I know that I'm learning things about myself. I'm seeing how I'm dealing with the challenges that come my way. I feel like I know how I'd want to deal with them, I'm gathering what I'm learning from them.

So simply put, this post is about acceptance. Or the attempt of...

I believe I've said this a few times before, and I'll say it again - but I have a very internal locus of control. For me to stand by while things to and around me just happen, does not fall within my comfort zone. Unless I am actively trying to change a potentially bad situation, I cannot stand the feeling of helplessness that comes with the loss of control.

I said something to a friend yesterday that sounded quite profound then: I am of the belief that outcomes are the reasons of my actions, and never the other way around. What happens to and around me is because of the choices I make and the steps I take. Ergo, there is no one else to blame for when I happen to be in a tough situation except for myself.

And I think that's where the problem lies.

In all honesty, this was a philosophy taught to me by my parents, and I embody it wherever I go. And if I may say so myself, I am pretty darn proud of it. They taught me: don't only take credit when good things happen. Always accept responsibility and ownership when bad things happen, too.

And in doing so, I think I am too humble and take on ownership that may not be mine, in many of my life's situations. My friends, in the past, have pointed out to me that I often feel guilty about other people's issues, simply because they have told me about them. I go out of my way to help others even when I may not necessarily have the time or the desire to, only because they have trusted me with it, and I feel obligated. But I think I need to teach myself that it's okay to not help everyone in my life; people will understand that I have my own world of challenges to face.

However, this is much easier said than done. I think I have now become much much better at it than I used to be before, but a long way lies ahead. And within the process of extracting myself from everyone else, and trying to focus my attention on myself that I have come across something. I always say this to my friends, my colleagues and everyone around me, but the extent to which this statement rings with truth is something I'm only now grasping: I am my toughest critic.

I am always so hard on myself and have such high expectations, that if I do not meet or exceed my own expectations, I feel let down. Beliiieeevvveee me when I say, it is not a good feeling. Unfortunately, I am far too quick to point the finger of blame towards myself, and I am also not very kind if I judge myself. The spiraling abyss of dark thoughts that can follow these judgments can be pretty nasty; it's usually a hole I find very hard to climb out of. Remember the Blame Game? Not only am I my toughest opponent, but I'm also the best player on either side.

I believe that apart from simply accepting that there are things (now, and will be later) that will just be out of my control, I need to truly come to terms with it. I need to start being okay with it. I don't quite know how I'm going to do that, but at least I know that it needs to be done. I have been learning a lot about myself lately because of everything that I'm going through, and this post certainly does not mark the end of my journey. Just something that I thought I would share along the way.

I know there are a handful of people out there who are like me - people who do take the blame on to themselves, even when it's not theirs to take. This post is for them. It's not your place, it's not your responsibility and most importantly, it isn't your fault. While being your own devil's advocate and your own harshest judge can be good, it can become a hindrance pretty quickly.

I know that I need to learn how to draw the line and when to stop being hard on myself. I need to learn when to take a break from constantly measuring myself to the odds at hand. I need to learn to let things go.

The only question that remains is - how do I do that?

Until next time, y'all.

Hasta la-buh bye!

The Credibility of Superstition

You guys...

There are so many things going on in my brain... it's not even funny. I'm honestly not able to finish a single thought that comes into my head without it being interrupted by another thought.

>.<

What is going on?!

Sigh. Any moo. Hello all!

I wanted to write about something interesting that I noticed about myself in these last couple of weeks. I remember mentioning a couple of weeks ago that I was about to make some difficult choices and hard decisions in the upcoming weeks to come.

Well, I did make some tough choices. There were some tearful nights. There were irrational outbursts of anger. There were inexplicable bouts of sadness. I'm in the process of taking ownership of my actions, so I will likely act out a bit in the next few days to come as well.

Short back story.

I cut someone out of my life who I did not want to be around any more. I have not done anything like that in a very long time, and I almost forgot how hard it was. There were a few hard truths I needed to face about why I did not want this person to be a part of my life any more. I realized: not only was I keeping them around for the wrong reasons, I was also using wrong reasons to want to walk away from them. Not only was I being unfair to myself, I was being untrue to them.

Any how. There is a point to this, promise.

Now I'm about to disclose something very personal about myself, as always. And in doing so, I'm also taking responsibility for all the things I say.

Superstition. It's a funny concept. Do I believe in it? I don't quite know. But there are things that have happened in my past that have led me to have a healthy amount of respect for superstitions, signs and maybe even myths. Personally, I have a very internal locus of control, meaning I rarely allow things to simply happen. I truly like to be in charge of, and take ownership of everything that happens to and around me. But I neither silly nor naive enough to think that everything is or can be under my control.

No, no, no, no. no, no, no.

There are things outside my control, and some things outside everyone's control. Not everyone knows the reason for these things to happen, nor can they always be explained. I know I'm being vague, but let me try to explain what I'm trying to say.

Let's talk about my particular situation.

I was, and I have been having a rough few weeks, in the spirit of honesty. Things have been stressful, difficult, unpromising, unfavorable, and just... hard. However, after I stopped talking to this person, I think a few very big, good things happened. All of a sudden. I swear I normally never think along these lines, but this thought just wandered into my head. How did things pick up after I cut this person off? Why was something that was not working suddenly work? Why was there suddenly many opportunities where nothing was present before?

And once this thought lodged itself in my head, I couldn't help but ponder it. Was this to be taken as a sign? Don't get me wrong, I didn't think it was easy to cut this person out. I wasn't delighted not to be speaking with them any more. In fact, a part of me almost wanted to speak to them a few days later. But something stopped me. I think this thought stopped me. And I've been holding back reaching out to them ever since. (I know that reaching out to someone you've cut out of your life makes the action moot, but that's a discussion for another time!)

Ergo, the title to my post. How much credibility does this thought have? Where did it come to my brain from? Were all the things meant to happen at that time any way, and my walking away from this person just happened to precede these instances? Is it just a superstition or was the person not a good influence for me? I really don't know! I'm actually very uncomfortable with these thoughts, but I want to put them out there and get them out of my system. I want to logically trump them, because rationally is how I think.... I think.

Oh dear.

But yes, that was my rant for today. Is there anyone else out there like me? Have these thoughts every crossed anyone else's mind? Or am I just crazy?

Another confession though: do you guys have any idea how hard it is to look at my last post and see the day as Friday? *heart breaks* It was one day! :(

With this, I shall wrap up my strange, disconcerting post tonight.

Until next week.

Hasta la-buh bye!