Unexpected.

Crap.

It's blog day.

I don't have a topic. But I have a story... or more like, an incident.

And it's....unexpected. (go figure)

But I also have an assignment due. Like, now.

So rain check for the post for tonight. I'll be back with the incident. Soon. Promise.

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Hey y'all,

I'm falling behind, I know.

RL has been really tough and it's really gaining on me.. I'm struggling to keep up, but I'm barely at the surface here.

Anyway, short and bitter (unfortunately) is the idea of this post. It's not quite a story, more of an incident. And what was unexpected was my reaction.

After a very long time, I flew off the handle and got upset. And I mean really upset. With someone I care about very deeply. I punched a wall. I snapped at people. There were angry tears. It was so unpleasant. And the worst part was - at the time, I did not have a clue what brought on such a reaction from me. I honestly couldn't fathom what snapped in my brain and triggered this, but I just know that I didn't want to feel that way again.

Of course, when I came to my senses later, I felt like crap about myself for having acted out. I berated myself for behaving so immaturely, which caused me to continue to be sour and unpleasant towards more people I cared about. Just overall, these last few days were straight up, depressing.

But then I had an epiphany of sorts. I realized that I needed to stop worrying about the world and finally give in to my own feelings. My conscience wasn't stupid. I think deep down I had an inkling of why I felt the way I did when I snapped. I had hit my limit. I was tired of being the understanding person. I was upset at having had to stomach disappointment when I had done just that in the past so many times. I didn't want to be rational, I didn't want to be realistic.. I just wanted to be understood.

And it seemed that the lack of that tipped me over my sanity point. There are still a few cobwebs in my mind that need dusting away. Unfortunately, my mind has been spiralling into a dark place since this occurrence and I don't feel certain that I'll get the help I need to get out of this rut, at least not from the person I think I want it from.

But, it's me. I'm always fine eventually. It takes a toll on me, but I always figure it out for myself. At the end of the day, I have to be the one to look out for myself. I was actually really distressed and confused about this whole ordeal for a few days.

Honestly, there is a lot of unresolved and untapped emotion in this post. Maybe one day when I'm truly over it, I'll be able to openly talk about the real deal. But for now, it shall remain a mystery.. unless of course, you're clever enough to figure it out =]

With that, I bid you good night. See y'all next week.

Hasta la-buh bye.

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