Have you ever wondered what is going through a person's mind every day? Just for a minute, if you slow the world down and take in all the faces around you, what would you notice?
When I look around me, I am fascinated by people.
The rationale for their actions, their thought processes - I find them all so very intriguing. I think about what drives a person to be who they are, what may be weighing on their mind, what is triggering them to behave the way they are, what concerns they may be facing in life...
It makes me realize: there is a reason every individual happens to be in the moment they are in.
Now, I'm sure that I am not the only one who enjoys observing people. There may be several others who like to do the same, and are probably better at reading people than I am.
But! When I observe people, it's not only individuals that I pass on the street, or ones who I may be travelling with on the subway. Mostly, I observe my friends. I scrutinize their behaviors, their actions and reactions in situations, the things they say, etc. It is by doing so, that I learn more about them.
It's a lengthy process, you know?!
Developing patterns, looking for similarities, determining their comfort zone, testing the waters by assuming their likes and dislikes, and making a note of several other minute details and nuances. Not to mention that if in doing all this, I find out I'm wrong, I go right back to the drawing board and start the learning process from scratch, once again.
In spite of my extensive research and sincere efforts to get to know people, I am never able to state with complete certainty that I know a person inside out, regardless of how close I am with them. That would mean I'm completely disregarding the ability of people to be spontaneous and surprising.
And it's here, that one of my biggest pet peeves about perceptions comes into play.
There are times when people assume they simply know me to be a certain way. Whether this is in fact true or not, they don't really care. I find it incredibly irksome.. especially if what they claiming happens to be untrue.
So, what I'm struggling to understand is this: why would someone stake such a claim to begin with? What would prompt someone to say that they know me to be a certain way, when that may not be so?
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| "Nobody knows me, yet everyone knows my name." - Westlife |
While I am still searching for an answer, I had a few theories. Go figure.
Maybe this stems from insecurities that an individual feels. Do they feel powerless over me if they do not know me? By making such bold claims about others, are these individuals simply reassuring themselves that they are an important aspect in others lives?
Or does it simply come from a mixture of past experiences and a natural tendency to generalize people? However, those who know me, also know that if there is one thing I really dislike, it is being generalized.
So, since this didn't make much sense, I delved further into my thoughts. I wondered whether I may have been playing a part in this assumption somewhere. What if I have conditioned people to always perceive me in a certain light? If I have acted a certain way around people all the time, does this then entitle them to predict my behaviour? I'd disagree, because then I would be perceived as incapable of spontaneity, and that would be untrue.
So I decided to put this to the test. With the help of a friend, I designed a little social experiment.
Along with impulsion and stubbornness, I have another annoying quirk: I am hopelessly optimistic. About everything. Even things that may be a lost cause.
Especially with regards to the different kind of relationships I share with people. Whether they are friends, co-workers, acquaintances, or even family members. Not only do I invest more into relationships than other people, but my attempts to engage the reciprocals are truly relentless.
A friend said to me, "That is a really rare quality in people these days. You don't want to lose that about yourself."
I use this buoyancy and positivism to condition those around me; they expect me to constantly be upbeat, happy and cheerful.
So in my little experiment, I decided to tone down the extrovert in me by several notches, especially within formal settings. While at first I failed to see the significance of this, my friend guaranteed that it would produce results of some sort. And he was right.
While I was busy respecting the stories of those around me, often times, I neglected mine. However, after a single day of neutral behaviour, standoffish demeanour and close to no chatting in the workplace, not one, but three of my co-workers stopped to ask me if I was okay. While this experiment was not designed to see whether I'd be able to get more attention, it is interesting to note how the change in behaviour gave me exactly that.
I plan on continuing this facade indefinitely, and I know I will learn something new from it every day. I am still looking for answers with regards to my previously raised questions, but en route to that discovery, I am finding answers to many other questions I never knew I had.
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| Words to live by. |
Here's to self-discovery, turning over a new leaf, self-reflection and social experiments.
Until next time, y'all.
Hasta la-buh bye!
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