If...: Chapter 2

What if I could read people's minds?

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Fair warning, I'm sad, I'm upset, I'm pissed, I'm huffy, I'm amused and I'm crying all at once.

Today's idea is totally fueled by my outrage at something that happened.

So...I don't know what people think of me through my writing. I don't know how I'm perceived by those who simply read my thoughts, my opinions and my beliefs. I don't know what mental picture I may have formed in someone's mind about myself.

Now whether I'm saying this to add to the confusion, or because I feel the need to put it out there, I'm not sure. But I want to say this: I'm usually someone who believes that there is always good in people. Life may make them bitter, angry, sour, or whatever other flavor you want to title it. But I think everyone is capable of being good.

And as I'm writing this, I think I'm figuring out why I'm so upset today. I think I had a moment when I realized how utterly foolish and naive that belief is. As much as it breaks my heart, I think I have to come to terms with the fact that not everyone may be intrinsically good.

In the spirit of honesty, the incident that happened was so nominal, that it isn't even worth mentioning. But clearly several emotions were bubbling close to the surface for me if it's causing me to reflect so intensely and affecting me so fundamentally. I think I'm upset today because someone who I thought was good, forced me to come to terms with the possibility that it may not be the case.

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So if I could read people's minds, I'd probably want to opt out of that first thing. Honestly, there are only 2 people in this world who's brains I'd want to get into and know what they were thinking. Apart from that, I may want to know in the moment, but the second I reflect and think of the consequences that may have, I change my mind and decide that I absolutely don't want to know what people are thinking.

I'd rather be oblivious and ignorant to what people think of me, think of my personality or my behaviors. I suppose the only possible time I'd want to know what someone is thinking is if it'll help me to improve on something. or prevent me from doing something inappropriate or disrespectful.

If I were being completely truthful, that has always been a daunting phobia that I've had since I was younger. Part of me wished I knew exactly people were thinking, but another part was terrified of finding some really scary things in people's brains. Now, if I could combine being invisible, ensure that I wasn't the topic of discussion and then know what was going through people's minds as an observer, I think that would make a pretty great show. But any other time, count me out!

So basically, an odd little venting post today. I was so upset, I even swore *hangs head in shame* but here's hoping I'm back to being fit as a fiddle tomorrow.

Thank you for being such great listeners. Y'all rock. <3

Until next week...

Hasta la-buh bye!

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PS - A very Happy Birthday to my bestie, Tall Guy. Thank you for being you, and for all you do. I thank my lucky stars that prompted me to shove my phone in your face and ask for your Facebook info 2 years ago. Haven't regretted it once :D here's to celebrating a million more with you :) xoxo